A friend once told me that an egg best represents the trinity. God is the shell, the yolk is Jesus and the Holy Spirit is the white. Each is essential to the other and together, they make up an egg – a symbol of birth. How appropriate that it is the symbol of Easter, because without Jesus’ death, it would not have come to be. The rising of Jesus represented the completion – the unity of the trinity. Sins are forgiven, the path is open. Praise God, He is Risen!!
I hate holidays. I keep thinking I may find the right person and start to like them again, but…who cares. They are all commercialized anymore anyway. We forget the reason behind holidays. They become just another reason to have a day off or to get together or buy stuff. This holiday, please take time to thank God for opening the door to grace. Remember the flogging and the beating Jesus endured for US. Remember the nail pierced hands, the pierced feet and the blade in His side. Remember what he said…“forgive them, for they know not what they do.” We are all flawed. We are all doomed, that was until Jesus died on the cross for us and paved a way. It’s not just a holiday…to all my readers, thank you for reading. Be blessed and Happy Easter.
I haven’t blogged regularly in forever so I figured two in one day couldn’t hurt (wink wink). This is my walk, after all. I’m supposed to share it with you: the good, the bad, the ugly. That’s the whole purpose of this blog. I’m not ashamed to share my downs with you and to show you the myriad of ways in which God lifts me up. I started to forget what a release it is to write…so here goes…
The bible is a great resource for learning as well as for healing. My friend from this morning reminded me that I need to open my bible. It made me question: Why haven’t I? I’ve been reading a verse here and there maybe even a small book on occasion, but that’s no walk…that’s a stroll. I know God will love me always. I know even if I feel ashamed, He will always have open arms for me. So…why? Maybe, I felt like God wasn’t working fast enough and I felt ashamed. I took my own road, rather, I tried to carve a road where He never intended there to be one. It just seemed right. Still does and I have no regrets. You should never reget something if you can take a lesson from it. And if you haven’t guessed, yeah, I’m single again. And no, that didn’t last long. Small blessing I assume.
Early this afternoon, I heard this on KLOVE radio, “I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10. I cried – which comes easy lately, but this really hit me. It was like he was talking directly to me, reminding me that He’s there. It’s crazy how someone can say something and you just feel that God is talking directly to you. This walk is so not easy and to expect never to stumble is ridiculous. Life can hurt, and it will. Nowhere in the bible does it say we are immune to it, but it does say He is there, if we listen, if we call on Him. So I opened my bible, said a little prayer asking God to guide me and feed me: onto Isaiah 41.
Some parts really lost me, but that’s the key about reading the bible: you can’t stop just because you don’t fully grasp something. You keep going until it hits you. This part hit me:
“17The poor and needy search for water,
but there is none;
their tongues are parched with thirst.
But I the LORD will answer them;
I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. 18 I will make rivers flow on barren heights,
and springs within the valleys.
I will turn the desert into pools of water,
and the parched ground into springs. 19 I will put in the desert
the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive.
I will set junipers in the wasteland,
the fir and the cypress together, 20 so that people may see and know,
may consider and understand,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
that the Holy One of Israel has created it.”~ Isaiah 41:17-20
Now I know this chapter probably has nothing to do with love, per say, but here’s how I interpret the above: poor and needy – that’s me: Hurting in my heart; needy for understanding; poor in spirit, in strength. Not lacking, but struggling. My tongue is parched – I so long for love. But God is telling me He will not forsake me – he won’t leave me. He can make rivers where the land was once dry, he can turn deserts into oceans and what was once parched – my thirst for love – can and will be quenched. He’ll plant trees so I can rest under the shelter of their shade – where it once was barren, it will thrive and I will know that it is all thanks to Almighty God who created it. Lest I give up, He will see me through. He will strengthen me. He will help me. I am not alone. My prayers, my needs, my hurt…will not go unheard or unnoticed.
When you are down, read your bible and don’t stop if you don’t understand something. Keep reading until something grabs you then research it on Google. Listen to Christian radio. I suggest KLOVE.com. And most importantly, never give up and never, ever let the devil convince you that you are alone. Someone out there knows exactly what you are going through.
Let me just add a footnote here. For all of you who comment here or on Facebook or send me private messages and leave me kind words of how I’ve helped you and/or words of encouragement, thank you. You are truly MY blessing because sometimes I forget what I’m doing this for. It’s for us. This is the true cycle of life: helping others who in turn help you, without even knowing it. Be forever lifted and blessed my friends.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10
I don’t know why I watch this show…it really bothers me. I simply do not understand the desire to collect stuff, stuff and more stuff. Sometimes this ‘stuff’ has value and other times, it’s just plain junk. Of course I’m talking about “Hoarders”. Don’t get me wrong. These people seem truly conflicted with their obsession to collect stuff. They do it to survive whatever battle they are facing. Tonight, the lady is compelled to collect ‘stuff’ after surviving 9/11. She confessed to spending her entire retirement of $200,000 on ‘stuff’. Every square inch of her home is stacked to the ceiling, with the exception of a narrow path winding from room to room. Even the large garage is full while all 12 vehicles are parked precariously outside over 10 acres. It’s like these piles represent a firewall providing a type of security, a fortress against the forces that threaten safety. Again, I cringe watching this show. I don’t understand, but tonight, I had a revelation: some of us are hoarders, too,we just don’t collect stuff in our homes we collect stuff in our hearts.
I have a lot of built up hurt from past relationships and my childhood…who doesn’t. Little things can bring these hurts to the forefront of my mind where it gets really dangerous. It’s not good to think about things so much sometimes. I’m analytical by nature so the process of trouble shooting and problem solving comes natural to me. This is great for my profession, but harmful to me on a personal level. It’s easy to say ‘let it go’ or ‘just don’t think about it’ but the act of actually doing so is a huge challenge. We get accustom to our habits. And just like these hoarders, these habits don’t form overnight; it’s a process that develops over time. Reversing this process takes time as well, and sometimes it’s beyond what we ourselves can handle alone. We may need someone to help us through it – to help us uncover the root of why we hoard, why we over-think, why we obsess. And when we find out the ‘why’, we move onto the ‘how’. How do we start the process of changing our way of thinking? How do we let the old self die gracefully so that the new self can emerge?
This is a concept that has been weighing on me for some time: letting go of the old so the new can be revealed. The bible talks often about the old and new self. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17. Tonight I read about how no one sews a patch of old cloth onto new cloth. (Mark 2:21) and how they did not pour new wine into old wineskins. (Matthew 9:17, Mark 2:22, Luke 5:37) These verses made me think about my journey in a new light: I am really going through a transformation! God is renewing me – He is making me new so that He can pour new things into my life, better things into me. I must let go of the old in order that the new can be contained and fully appreciated and enjoyed.
Habits are hard to change, but it’s not impossible. This walk, this journey, has not been easy. Many times I have cowered away as God reveals about me, to me, but I know it’s for my own good. God wants to shower His blessings on me…bigger and better blessings then the ones I’ve already received! But I have to be receptive – the old self was not receptive; the old self was driven by self – my way, my dreams, my hopes. But I can’t have it my way. The old self must die – the old habits must be broken. It’s time to invite God’s will, hope in God, God’s way. Change of any kind is never easy – ask anyone who has been through a divorce, job loss or the death of a loved one: change is hard, yet we must persevere. True safety is not in our minds, it’s with God. We must trudge forward, never giving up hope, never flounder in our faith. Let me interject here and say that even if you feel your faith is weak, all it takes is a mustard seed. (Matthew 17:14-20) God will never give up on you. The darkness is sometimes necessary to reveal the light. We must break down the walls that we have built that give us a false sense of security. We have to break the chains that bind us to our hurts and our fears. We have to face our old self, no matter how ugly and painful it is, so that we can say goodbye to it. Out with the old, in with the new.
“Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast – as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed.” ~ 1 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-19
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” ~ Romans 12:2
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with the unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”~ 2 Corinthians 3:17-18
There I am, gloomy Saturday morning, cleaning my room. I actually enjoy the sun hiding while it rains. It creates an ambiance of tranquility. The house is quite. Everyone is gone…just me and the soft pittering of rain on my window pane.
As I clean I find some old memories of my special friend and I recall what my accountability partner told me the day after I confronted him, “Get rid of it all, Angie – the pictures, the texts, everything.” Let go of the old so the new can have a place in my life. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. I had to let the old go. Honestly, it took a couple days but reluctantly, I did discard the texts, photos… and surprisingly, it didn’t take long before I began to feel a lifting in my spirit. No more constant looking back; no more rehashing. No more trying to ‘figure it out’…it is what it is – or better – it was what it was. Naturally my focus redirected to my future, not the past. The new, not the old.
I sat on my bed and started to post this on Facebook, but it deserves a spot on my blog. I often pray that God lead me to what I should write and times like these, I know He hears me. I’m actually crying, but these are happy tears. I know that I know that God is with me right now. He doesn’t want me to hurt –He doesn’t want any of us to hurt. He wants us to grow and go forward. That’s why He laid it on my heart to sit down and write what I’m feeling right now. Letting go of the old, we allow ourselves to become new. Hanging onto the past keeps us connected to the pain; it doesn’t allow for us to fully heal.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ~ Revelation 21:4-5
There is a special freedom in purging the things that bind us to bad memories…photos, poems, cards, texts, emails, notes, etc. By letting go of them, I let go of the mourning, the pain. I make way for the new – I make way for true healing. Those days are gone and recalling them only stirs up old feelings: resentment, regret…pain. Let your new self emerge! It will happen! I didn’t realize the impact of doing so but I’m telling you – it is so worth it. The things I can’t purge like clothes, music, movie lines…I avoided them for a long time, but they also are slowly forming new meaning. They are becoming a signal of a rebirth in my spirit…a renewing of my soul. A reminder that better days are yet to come, but they can’t if we are holding on.
I forgive myself for not unclenching my grip sooner – for not seeing the signs that were evident, for not adhering to the unsettling in my spirit that could have avoided most of this turmoil. I can let all that go because I take from it a valuable lesson. I know what I don’t want. And…I forgive him, too. The lies, the deceit, the infidelity; those are his crosses to bare. That’s between him and God. Sadly, not everyone can be saved, not even those who claim to want it – but I do. Onward bound…
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” ~ Luke 7:47
Afternoon lunch folks! I love Skillet. You wouldn’t think of them as a Christian band, but they are.
In this song, the hero they are referring to God. Like you and I, the song speaks of the struggle, the times we are on the edge, feeling down almost to the point of losing our faith…but they cry out; they need a hero to save them. And they know He will, just in time. Then it seems like their attitudes shift. He knows what he has to do, and he’ll do it. He’ll fight the battle. Live another day. Speak his mind and make his voice heard. Who’s gonna fight for what’s right? Who’s gonna fight for the weak? Who’s gonna help them believe? And my favorite “I’ve got a hero…living in me”. He wants to share that quality only God can give: hope, grace, mercy. How powerful. We all feel so disparaged at some point in life that it seems pointless, but this songs screams that it’s not, if you have the Hero of all Heros!
Did you know you have the Holy Spirit living inside you? (Ezekiel 36:26-27) I think that’s why sometime when we think it’s our gut, it’s really God. This life is so good at bringing us down. We think we are all alone and oblivious to the warfare going on between our flesh and spirit. Count ourselves as crazy, or ‘just the way we are’. We are so good at giving the devil all he needs to keep us convinced that we each deserve more and should be able to work less. My generation didn’t suffer through depression wondering where they were going to get the next meal. No wonder my Dad and I are so distant. From the time we were small and observing our families fret over bills, money, the neighbors and the like, these worrisome traits were engrained into us. And maybe we learned to covet, be jealous, have fits of rage when things don’t go our way because we were just down right spoiled, we even accepted drinking or drugs to the extreme because we justified that it’s ‘okay’ to just want to escape. But it’s not! All of these are sins and we won’t get into heaven doing these things, especially if we think we can just ask for forgiveness when we die. We have to earn our keep here on this earth, just as much as we need to earn heaven. He will judge us for what we have done here on earth. There is judgment for our actions. (Jeremiah 17:9-10) God does not demand we earn our way into heaven, but we should do it because as humans we each deserve it. Think of how much better this world would be if we lived by simple principles of forgiveness, honest, love, hope, mercy, gentleness and self-control…
Do you think God is just going to forgive you at the last minute and let you walk through the gates? No. God is a just and jealous God. Why do you think Adam and Eve clothed themselves and hid from Him? He wants a relationship with us. (1 John 4:19) He is a kind and loving God who does not want anyone to perish. (2 Peter 3:9) The time to break free from sin is NOW! The bible says that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There is no law against these such things.” (Galatians 5:19-23). Who wouldn’t pick anyone of these over jealous? Self ambition? Sexual immorality? And if we each had more of these fruits and less of the sin, think of what a better world this would be…that’s what God wants. That’s all He wants.It’s what He longs for: a world that chooses to bear good fruit instead of indulging in sinful nature. The devil tempts us but God only tests us and our faith in Him. A lifetime is but a breath to God. This life is just a test and through our test we weave our testimony. This blog is my testimony and by sharing it I hope I touch at least one other person in the name of God.
He gave us free will, but like I’ve said before, it’s not free. As with everything, you pay a price. So, we each have to choose our deal: Pride, jealousy and greed in exchange for what? Temporary enjoyment and an eternity in hell? Chance waiting till the last minute to be saved? That’s a pretty scary ‘maybe’. Nah…I’ll take submission, repentance and transparency in exchange for God’s rod, staff, grace, mercy and blessings. I chose to be victorious with my Almighty HERO both here on earth and in heaven.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” ~ Ezekiel 36:26-27
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”~ Galatians 5:19-23
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. What can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”” ~ Jeremiah 17:9-10
“We love because he first loved us.” ~ 1 John 4:19
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” ~ 2 Peter 3:9
This is a great song. Ties in perfectly with my blogs about spirit and flesh. Things definitely feel different. Life isn’t about me, it’s about US. Did you know that the one thing God wants most is for us to LOVE each other? So self, I’ve found someone else! I’m wrong for me…lol! Don’t worry…I love me best by loving God first. Ya know, since I’ve put God first, my attitude has really changed for the better. I love it. I wouldn’t change this for the world. God’s got bigger plans for me and I’m happy to let Him lead. Hope you all are enjoying your Friday night eve!
I read another blog that really touched me and brought back memories of writing this poem. I’ve always been attracted to rain and storms of all shapes and sizes. While some people can become terrified and literally dread the coming of a storm, I relish in it. The smell of it’s approach, the wicked colors of the sky, the varying degrees of severity as it swoops in and then effortlessly moves on. It’s soothing…comforting. Sometimes I think it’s because the rain drops perfectly mask my tears, while other times, I think it’s a reminder that storms don’t last forever…and they have their purpose. For the garden to grow, for the flowers to bloom for the trees to continue stretching towards the skies – we need rain. Do we always need a hurricanes or tornados? No, but sometimes…we do. We need someone to shake us – rattle our worlds, turn us upside down, make us realize what is important in life. And if we don’t stop to figure out what the storm is trying to reveal, we miht as well just plan for yet another.
Just as Mother Earth repairs herself with quakes and storms, God gives us the opportunity to repair ourselves by revealing things to us. We call them storms but it’s really just an opportunity for an awakening. We all sin. Each and every one of us. It’s a given. God knows it, I know, and you oughta know it. And when we sin, we let the devil in. Not that we are possessed but we are deceived, and if you think you aren’t…well…that just proves my point. We make excuses to justify our sins, make them not seem so bad. We think we can always repent later. That God understands our faults. Yet be warned that freewill does have a price. We are so spoiled. We just want what we want and we want it now. We are an instant, ‘gotta have it now’, ‘gotta have it how I want it’ society. Look back in history at the pain and suffering – holocaust, war, starvation, true and utter poverty – what we go through is nothing! Why are we waiting to realize how God wants us to live? Maybe we can’t stop sin completely but we can resist sin…and God will be there every step of the way. We can turn to our Father God. We can ask Him to teach us how to live from our spirit instead of our flesh. We can ask Him to help us live with loving and forgiving, transparent hearts. Admit our faults to one another. Be real, not instant. Be of love, not of greed.
I haven’t seen my last storm…you haven’t either. But of all of the storms I’ve ever been through in my life, I thank my friends who have always been there with me…to hold the umbrella, hand me a towel, or give me a big wet hug when I needed it. And above all, I thank God for never giving up on me.
Tears & Raindrops
What is it about the rain,
Every time it falls down?
How does it erase away my pain,
And free me from all I’m bound?
What drives this magical force?
Tell me, cause I want to know.
It sets me back on a straighter course,
Renews from the depth of my soul.
The rain somehow disguises,
How imperfectly I’m made.
Because there are no happy surprises,
After the fantasy begins to fade.
Tears and raindrops; no one can tell them apart.
One comes straight from heaven, the other straight from my heart.
Tears and raindrops; no one can tell them apart.
Pouring down on me like a melody, in perfect rhythm with my heart.
How it works I really don’t care,
Gotta let heaven do its’ thing.
And when it all gets too heavy to bear,
Gonna let it wash away, under the rain.
~ Angela Nichols
03-17-10
“Then Job answered the LORD : ‘I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer—twice, but I will say no more.’ Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm: ‘Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me. Would you discredit My justice? Would you condemn Me to justify yourself? Do you have an arm like God’s, and can your voice thunder like His?'” ~ Job 40:3-8
“As fire consumes the forest or a flame sets the mountains ablaze, so pursue them with your tempest and terrify them with your storm. Cover their faces with shame so that men will seek your name, O LORD.” ~ Psalm 83:14-16
“Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.” ~ Psalm 107:28-30
“When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.” ~ Proverbs 10:25
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you. “O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones.” ~ Isaiah 54:10-12
“The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.” ~ Nahum 1:3Jesus calms the storm – Matthew 8, Mark 4, Luke 8
“The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.” ~ Isaiah 58:11
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:32, NLT
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”” ~ Jeremiah 17:9-10
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” ~ James 1:2-8
“The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.
I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!” ~ Lamentations 3:19-24 NLT
Another Third Day song…love this. Calming. This is what I mean about listening to something positive. I won’t lose faith because I know He has bigger plans for me. He can break the addiction and chains. I remember I’m not alone in my shame and suffering. I’m normal. And God loves me. More then anyone I’ve ever known. If I cry, I’m gonna cry out to Jesus. He has enough for the broken hearted. There is grace and healing in His word.
Lord, hear us when we cry out to you. Fill our hearts with your grace and mercy, protect us under Your all-knowing wing. When I feel helpless and hopeless, help remind us of all the blessings you pour onto me. Don’t let me take even the smallest for granted for I know even through the rain, You see my tears. Thank you for being there. Thank You for Your unconditional, unwavering love. Help me love, and live, like You more and more each day. in Your holy and precious name, Amen
My Walk with God...Blog 
