Hello there! So…you wanna know a little more about me. Well, I am a typical middle-aged woman. I have three children. Matt is 22 and serving in the Army. He returned to Germany from Iraq 7/14/10 and should be reassigned to the states sometime in March 2011. Michael is 20 and is a very outgoing man and very much like his mother. (Sorry kiddo!) Kelley is my baby. She’s 17, straight A student and college bound. I am the youngest of 8 siblings (full-blooded) and one of 58 grandchildren. My parents were married just shy of 50 years before my mother passed away in 2003.
I dropped out of high school in the 11th grade but have since earned 2 Associates degrees, 1 Bachelors degree and several certifications. I will be graduating with my Master’s degree in 2012. I love photography, poetry, reading, writing, music, computers, movies, gardening, traveling, fishing, camping, bonfires, riding and practically anything that gets me outside. I am a programmer/anaylst and absolutely love my job and my co-workers. I have a part-time photography business which has been an awesome outlet for me, as well as a great source of pride. Most pictures displayed throughout my blogs are from my How Great Thou Art collection. I also thoroughly enjoy donating my services to non-profit organization events and fundraisers and have become a regular photographer for St. Vincent’s Daycare and Habitat for Humanity and have done work for Easter Seals and Goodwill. I have had two photos published in ‘Evansville Living’ magazine in November 2010 and May 2011 and was on the cover of ‘Reach’ in December 2010. I’m not rich by any means but I find this is a great way to use my talents to give back to my community.
I started posting bible verses on Facebook back in early 2010, then started adding my own comments. I had such a great response and it seemed to take on a life of its’ own. Now, it extends to this personal blog embracing my walk with God. I’ve known God all my life. Grew up Catholic – never missed a Sunday mass unless I was so sick I was literally throwing up or running a high fever. For me, the Catholic denomination didn’t work. I felt stiffled. I would cry and feel so heavy afterwards. As a teenager and young adult I still believed, but avoided church completely.
My mother passed away in 2003 while I was in the hospital struggling to recover from a blood infection after my hysterectomy. I was in a horrible relationship and battling…we’ll call them ‘afflictions’…I somehow felt she could see me. After a short stay at the hospital I returned to the Catholic church but was…disappointed. (We’ll leave it at that for now.) My sister introduced me to Bible Center Cathedral, a non-denominational church soon after. It was an incredible experience! I cried but it was more of a release then an added heaviness. She was instrumental in my first true connections with God and I am forever grateful to her for that. And it was with my sister that I was saved. While I was baptized as a child, I was re-baptized in the Holy Spirit at Bible Center Cathedral in 2005. I went to service pretty consistently for awhile but got consumed by another toxic relationship and quit. Go for awhile, then quit. Go for awhile, then quit. Long story short, I started attending Cornerstone Assembly of God in October 2008 and I continue to be a member there to this day.
It would be hard to justifibly describe how God has continued to work in my life over the years but I can say, He never gave up on me, He never left – I left Him. I have battled and survived addictions, suffered through several toxic relationships and made many, many mistakes. Yet, all of my relationship have impacted me. Loose promises, empty words, false commitments… In 2010, I met two guys who were already in relationships, trying to start another. Thankfully I never went out with the first guy, but I did the second. I’m tired of being hurt – of believing in people who ultimately fail to follow simple principles of life. But each of these experiences has made me stronger, and through it all, I’ve never doubted my belief in love. I am a romantic. But I am an example to my children and I simply refuse to continue down this path of destructive relationships. I’d rather be single then be in another wrong relationship.
Fortunately God has been right there for me. I draw a lot of strength from my faith and just know that God has always been there – it’s been me who wasn’t listening. So, I’m trying more – giving it my all. God is showing me the destructive way of following my own path – and that path is worn and riddled with pain and regret. It’s time to start a new direction, a new path. And I choose to let God light that path for me. I know that now is the time to begin this journey. I need to listen to Him and find the way to free myself of the chains that bind me or I will never be find that person who is truly capable of loving me as I deserve. I will also not be able to love someone completely like they deserve until I have God search me and help me come to terms with some of the pain and hurt that I have experienced in my past. I’ve become so use to this way of thinking and way of being that it’s become natural for me – but pain and hurt is not natural by any means. It’s time for me to truly start living. To start seeing the beauty not just in the nature around me, but in my self. I know I am worthy of the love I give.
My pastor told me weeks ago that to submit to God you have to give something up…and it’s not going to be easy. I think that was my problem up to this point. I just wanted God to take me as I was, with what I was willing to give, but He wants it all. Somehow I just know that if I follow Him, He will bring the right man into my life…but only when He knows I am ready. He is my Comforter. He has always been there and I realize now that without Him, I would continue on this merry-go-round of hurt in my relationships and it’s time to start the healing. I need internal healing – the type that can only come from God. All I’ve ever wanted is true, pure, unconditional love and I have found that in Jesus Christ. Now, I have a strong network of spiritual friends and a sincere hunger for a closer, more intimate relationship with God. This is right where I’m suppose to be and that gives me peace.
I invite you to join me in my journey. Join in the conversation, enjoy the art, the music and the poetry. Contribute! Your comments motivate me and encourage me. This world is so full of sin and distractions; it would be nice to have positive affirmations. I submit to God and accept His will in my life. I will never be perfect but some day…I will find what I’ve longed for, someone who thinks I am perfect for them and I will be able to love them and share a healthy relationship. God willing.
Be blessed 🙂