About Me…

Hello there! So…you wanna know a little more about me. Well, I am a typical middle-aged woman. I have three children. Matt is 22 and serving in the Army. He returned to Germany from Iraq 7/14/10 and should be reassigned to the states sometime in March 2011. Michael is 20 and is a very outgoing man and very much like his mother. (Sorry kiddo!) Kelley is my baby. She’s 17, straight A student and college bound. I am the youngest of 8 siblings (full-blooded) and one of 58 grandchildren. My parents were married just shy of 50 years before my mother passed away in 2003.

I dropped out of high school in the 11th grade but have since earned 2 Associates degrees, 1 Bachelors degree and several certifications. I will be graduating with my Master’s degree in 2012. I love photography, poetry, reading, writing, music, computers, movies, gardening, traveling, fishing, camping, bonfires, riding and practically anything that gets me outside. I am a programmer/anaylst and absolutely love my job and my co-workers. I have a part-time photography business which has been an awesome outlet for me, as well as a great source of pride. Most pictures displayed throughout my blogs are from my How Great Thou Art collection. I also thoroughly enjoy donating my services to non-profit organization events and fundraisers and have become a regular photographer for St. Vincent’s Daycare and Habitat for Humanity and have done work for Easter Seals and Goodwill. I have had two photos published in ‘Evansville Living’ magazine in November 2010 and May 2011 and was on the cover of ‘Reach’ in December 2010. I’m not rich by any means but I find this is a great way to use my talents to give back to my community.

I started posting bible verses on Facebook back in early 2010, then started adding my own comments. I had such a great response and it seemed to take on a life of its’ own. Now, it extends to this personal blog embracing my walk with God. I’ve known God all my life. Grew up Catholic – never missed a Sunday mass unless I was so sick I was literally throwing up or running a high fever. For me, the Catholic denomination didn’t work. I felt stiffled. I would cry and feel so heavy afterwards. As a teenager and young adult I still believed, but avoided church completely.

My mother passed away in 2003 while I was in the hospital struggling to recover from a blood infection after my hysterectomy. I was in a horrible relationship and battling…we’ll call them ‘afflictions’…I somehow felt she could see me. After a short stay at the hospital I returned to the Catholic church but was…disappointed. (We’ll leave it at that for now.) My sister introduced me to Bible Center Cathedral, a non-denominational church soon after. It was an incredible experience! I cried but it was more of a release then an added heaviness. She was instrumental in my first true connections with God and I am forever grateful to her for that. And it was with my sister that I was saved. While I was baptized as a child, I was re-baptized in the Holy Spirit at Bible Center Cathedral in 2005. I went to service pretty consistently for awhile but got consumed by another toxic relationship and quit. Go for awhile, then quit. Go for awhile, then quit. Long story short, I started attending Cornerstone Assembly of God in October 2008 and I continue to be a member there to this day.

 

It would be hard to justifibly describe how God has continued to work in my life over the years but I can say, He never gave up on me, He never left – I left Him. I have battled and survived addictions, suffered through several toxic relationships and made many, many mistakes. Yet, all of my relationship have impacted me. Loose promises, empty words, false commitments… In 2010, I met two guys who were already in relationships, trying to start another. Thankfully I never went out with the first guy, but I did the second. I’m tired of being hurt – of believing in people who ultimately fail to follow simple principles of life. But each of these experiences has made me stronger, and through it all, I’ve never doubted my belief in love. I am a romantic. But I am an example to my children and I simply refuse to continue down this path of destructive relationships. I’d rather be single then be in another wrong relationship.

Fortunately God has been right there for me. I draw a lot of strength from my faith and just know that God has always been there – it’s been me who wasn’t listening. So, I’m trying more – giving it my all. God is showing me the destructive way of following my own path – and that path is worn and riddled with pain and regret. It’s time to start a new direction, a new path. And I choose to let God light that path for me. I know that now is the time to begin this journey. I need to listen to Him and find the way to free myself of the chains that bind me or I will never be find that person who is truly capable of loving me as I deserve. I will also not be able to love someone completely like they deserve until I have God search me and help me come to terms with some of the pain and hurt that I have experienced in my past. I’ve become so use to this way of thinking and way of being that it’s become natural for me – but pain and hurt is not natural by any means. It’s time for me to truly start living. To start seeing the beauty not just in the nature around me, but in my self. I know I am worthy of the love I give. 

My pastor told me weeks ago that to submit to God you have to give something up…and it’s not going to be easy. I think that was my problem up to this point. I just wanted God to take me as I was, with what I was willing to give, but He wants it all. Somehow I just know that if I follow Him, He will bring the right man into my life…but only when He knows I am ready. He is my Comforter. He has always been there and  I realize now that without Him, I would continue on this merry-go-round of hurt in my relationships and it’s time to start the healing. I need internal healing – the type that can only come from God. All I’ve ever wanted is true, pure, unconditional love and I have found that in Jesus Christ. Now, I have a strong network of spiritual friends and a sincere hunger for a closer, more intimate relationship with God. This is right where I’m suppose to be and that gives me peace.

I invite you to join me in my journey. Join in the conversation, enjoy the art, the music and the poetry. Contribute! Your comments motivate me and encourage me. This world is so full of sin and distractions; it would be nice to have positive affirmations. I submit to God and accept His will in my life.  I will never be perfect but some day…I will find what I’ve longed for, someone who thinks I am perfect for them and I will be able to love them and share a healthy relationship. God willing.

Be blessed 🙂

 

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11 responses to “About Me…

  1. For those of you reading this page, might I also suggest reading my blog “Q&A: So, Why Blog?” https://angnic.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/q-a-so-why-blog/

  2. This was just what I needed at this moment- to read what you felt, and feel- what you have gone through and are going through- I am no longer running away from God- I have just turned my life over to Him- FINALLY after all of these years. I have always loved Him but have been so scared to go to Him- after all, I am not nearly worthy enough. I talk to Him ALL of the time. I have so much respect and Awe for Him- but I do talk to Him like I am His child- because, I am His child- like we all are. It has been AWESOME! I started a new job, my whole outlook has gone from total inner misery and depression to total relief, and a lot more happiness. I have a LONG way to go. He has taken my urge to drink completely away- that is such a blessing and a TOTAL miracle to me- I have struggled SO long with my addictions. At this moment I can HONESTLY say that all is right and well and as it should be. Thank you for reminding me and putting it into words! I very much understand!

    • None of us are worthy, Dawn, but that’s the beauty of God’s love. He sat with sinners: whores, cheats, liars, murders, etc. He loves us all the same. He believes in us when we can’t even believe in ourselves. He has taught me more about love than anything on this earth, and it’s one reason I have so much love to give that special someone and why I continue to wait. Faith. I know it will happen, just not on my time but His. I may not understand the darkness at times, but I know He has a purpose. And if I brought myself into it, He can turn it to good if I allow Him to be my light inside. I know what you mean about the desire of addiction being removed – AMAZING GRACE! Even when you feel at your lowest, just know God is there, trying to teach us through our struggles to make us worthy of heaven. You are worth it and you are loved beyond measure. Much love and blessings to you, my friend 🙂

  3. I am truly touched and am crying after reading this. I am at that very point in my life,struggling with past hurts and need that healing. I am finally ready to give my all to the Lord and let him heal me and show me his plans for me. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  4. thank you!

  5. Awesome! I am currently in a toxic relationship and am in the process of “detaching”. I have moved into the spare bedroom but I feel like my fiance stifles how far I can go in my walk with the Lord. It’s really hard to stay peaceful and inspired after reading the Bible & prayer when the person you live with swears up a storm, can’t say three words together without the f word and hear vile, vulgar things out of their mouth. I feel the peace drain out of me every time. He was nasty to me last night because I went to church. Whatever. I’m just so done. It’s hard for me believe that he is really a born-again Christian. I have no money to leave and no where to go right now. So I’m doing my best to endure & stay close to Jesus. The right time will come for me leave. I trust in the Lord and know He has a plan for my life, and it’s not this. Sorry to unload on you like that 🙂 Thank you for sharing your life on this blog. You will be a source of strength for me!

    • Thank you for sharing a part of your life! I’m so glad you found my blog. Stay encouraged and tell the devil to get behind you. To be courageous means you have to confront something fearful, but you can do this. You are not alone. Maybe he needs to see your faith in action, so just keep doing what you know is right. God will ensure you get to where you need to be. God bless you, my new friend. 🙂

  6. IAM T.A.AZARIAH HAPPY CHRIATMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR……. THANK YOU…….

  7. I’m so thankful I found your blog. For being so transparent with your life I draw inspiration and encouragement from your words for I feel I couldn’t have said it any better. I also have to let go of past hurts and pain from relationships and like you I am hoping that someday soon I will also find that someone who would be worthy of my love!

    • Thank you Linneah. I’m so glad you find strength in my words. I know it’s not easy but we have to lift each other up. Hope you continue to comment and continue to enjoy my posts 🙂 God bless!!

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