Wow. What a past few days. I fully understand spiritual ties. I thought I did before but now I’ve lived it. Spiritual ties are the connections we build with someone when we spend time with them, get to know them and get closer to them. Such ties are created with sex, commitments, vows, and agreements. If anyone has ever been told ‘I love you’ just to be dumped knows what I mean. We mourn the loss of those ties from deep inside…the same place where our spirit lives. Spiritual ties are a must in marriage, yet premature and/or unhealthy spiritual ties can damage our growth and our health…and they can create a lot of pain and regret.
When in a close relationship, we come to rely on the words of the other person; we base our life and the foundation of our relationship on that knowledge. We trust them, and to truly expand the relationship, we allow ourselves to become vulnerable, transparent. In a marriage these ties are necessary in order to unite the couple. (Ephesians 5:31, Mark 10:7-9, 1 Corinthians 6:16) When vows are recited they are intended to be upheld. No wonder the vows of marriage have faded; people use these words so carelessly anymore, they unknowingly create and build ties that are intended for married couples; belittling the seriousness of these words and actions only makes separation inevitable and detrimental to everyone involved, including the children. Binding words such as these should be treated more like a contract not a passing fancy. This is why sex is supposed to be enjoyed after marriage. The marital bedroom is sacred; it further solidifies the spiritual ties – the promises, vows and commitments – between the couple. Who hasn’t cried over a lost love and felt additional hurt because of the sexual or intimate memories? Many of us carry this kind of baggage…
For those who uphold the true premise of love, spiritual ties are a requirement, but for those who abuse this principle, the pain lays in wait…it’s only a matter of time. When it’s a bad relationship, these spiritual ties create a bond that makes it harder for God to move or for us to move effectively. Bad spiritual ties create an environment for the devil. They lead a person to accept various forms of abuse without even knowing it. Women especially tend to accept faults, unable to break free from these ties that bind. In a marriage, these ties are necessary but in an ungodly relationship, they create a bridge to even more sin, pain and manipulation. I did some research as I was writing this and found a great website that explains spiritual ties and how to break them. Check it out here. “A soul tie can serve many functions, but in it’s simplest form, it ties two souls together in the spiritual realm. Soul ties between married couples draw them together like magnets, while soul ties between fornicators can draw a beaten and abused woman to the man which in the natural realm she would hate and run from, but instead she runs to him even though he doesn’t love her, and treats her like dirt.”And folks, this is what happened to me.
My “special friend” ended up not being so special. All the promises, all the words, the intimacy, my understanding that we were trying to get right with God…all the ties…were lies…deception. I ended up discovering that he was already in a relationship for two months before we met. It started with that tugging in my gut – I’ll blog about this next, but sometimes our ‘gut’ is really our spirit warning us of impending danger. When the first signs surfaced, I confronted him and tried to understand, but with a liar you cannot converse. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” ~ Proverbs 15:2. He knew what I had been through, he heard the pain in my voice as I had shared some of it with him, but he was only after his own satisfaction. He knowingly participated in creating these spiritual ties….but they meant nothing to him. And I was the one left in the darkness of his folly.
I was in such a familiar darkness trying to discern lies from truth. I prayed so hard…harder than I ever have in my life. I was at such a low…I wanted to escape the reality of the pain so bad. While I had no desire for drugs…at one point, I literally wanted to die…yet I did not give up. I reached out to God with both hands and a pleading heart. I prayed and read and talked to my spiritual counselor. Time is God’s. I sure wish He would’ve hurried the healing but everything is in His time, not ours. There were things I needed to see about him, about myself. Finally, through the lies and the pain, the Lord spoke two very clear words to me. “Do nothing.” WHAT?! I couldn’t believe it! The next 24 hours was unbearable. Then, He shined a bright light for me. I was shown things. I was going to get closure and truth from only one person: his girlfriend. Right or wrong, I contacted her …let’s just say he was surprised to see us together. “A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.” ~ Proverbs 18:7-8.
He contacted me the next day trying to convince me that telling her was wrong, said he’d hold the gates of hell open for me. “A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD.” ~ Proverbs 19:3. I know it hurt for her to hear it. But I had already asked for God’s forgiveness if doing so was against His will…yet, I honestly don’t feel it was. God don’t like ugly and He sure didn’t like looking down on me, His child, suffering in undue grief. My heart and soul are still now. I have peace. I know I did right. My motives were not to ‘stick it to him’. I didn’t contact her with the intention of hurting her or anybody else, I contact her to present the truth and to discover it as well, to cut the ties that bind since he couldn’t do it himself. He tangled two women and nine children in this nasty web, not to mention other family members who will be touched by it. Did I enjoy his shaking and discomfort? You’re damn skippy I did, but…I actually feel for him.
I know he is consumed with sin, pain…and rage. The devil is having a hay-day with him. Maybe we haven’t been so callus, but we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, struggling with desires of the world, wanting it our way. I tried to support him, help him…love him, but he was deceiving me the entire time. I think the book honestly touched him; he just couldn’t resist keeping me in the lurch. I was a toy he was keeping on a shelf for whenever he wanted to play with me and my words made him feel good. How cruel. Then again, maybe the book meant nothing to him. Maybe he preyed on my faith as a way to escape as he knew I was closing in on discovering who he really was just prior to our break up. God have mercy on his soul if that’s true. But I’ve let go. I pray he knows that there is hope for him – that now is the time for true change. He can still be who God wants him to be…who he pretended to be. He needed this dose of reality just as much as we did. It didn’t have to be this way but he needed a smack of truth. (Proverbs 18:7-8) He can’t keep going around hurting women just to satisfy his own desires, covering up the emptiness he can’t face. Saving him is God’s job. I quit. The good news is, God never gives up on us, not even in our darkest hour which we sometimes create ourselves. But we have to repent and repentance doesn’t just mean remorse it means change. I knew in my spirit, THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. And now…it has…for all of us. We are each free to decide where we go from here. Two paths lay ahead of each of us: one leads to repeat sin and pain where we blame and hate, while the other leads to relief through our loving God where we truly forgive and repent. It is what it is and the deception is over. At least for me.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ~ Ephesians 5:31
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” ~ Mark 10:7-9
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” ~ 1 Corinthians 6:16
“He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” ~ Proverbs 5:23
“The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” ~ Proverbs 15:2