Hiding Our Faith: Do Not Throw Away Your Confidence, Share It

For several months I’ve been struggling with how others view my faith. I didn’t fully realize it until recently, but I think my fear lies in the belief ~ the knowledge ~ that it scares some people away. They don’t understand it and so they fear it. I’ll meet someone I’d like to get close to and, if I don’t see that they have a faith system, I unknowingly hide mine, revealing only the slightest glimpses if it feels ‘safe’. But why?? I’m not ashamed of it…am I? Well, I guess in all honesty, I am afraid of being rejected because of it. Afraid of losing something because they don’t see, agree or respect my passion for it. What?? That’s stupid. That makes me no different than the many characters in the bible who denyed their faith (read about Judas and Peter in Matthew 26). I think standing up for our faith is something He calls us to do. It’s what He meant about loving our neighbors and being equally yolked to someone…but that’s another blog.

For those who have an understanding of their faith, or an acceptance of faith in general, it doesn’t bother them; more often they are inspired by it. It’s those that don’t have a similar grasp on their spiritual side that bother me. It’s like being the new kid at school, feeling all the examining and assessing eyes as you clumsily walk into the new, unfamiliar surroundings. You just want to be liked: accepted. Do they think I’m strange? Do they think I’m a bible thumper? I’d like to say I’m not but what’s the definition? Cuz if posting bible verses is considered bible thumping, then yeah, I guess I am. I’m not versed enough to quote like some people, but yes, i do feel that many of our answers are contained within the pages of the bible and I will refer to the ones I know but I’m not in people’s faces with it, I’m in my own face, reminding myself what life is all about: not just you, not just me, but progress as a people bound by love.

I don’t have all the answers and I’m not perfect. Let me say that again: I’m not perfect. I still cuss, I still make mistakes and bad decisions but I know what my faith has done for me and I’m not willing to sacrifice that for anyone, and I’m more than willing to share. I’ve come to realize that I either need someone who is willing to lead me or walk with me; I can’t have someone dragging me down no matter how bad I want that relationship to work. No one should. It’s just not meant to be. I know what I feel and what I have experienced. I will not turn my back on it even if I can’t explain it. After all, faith is believing in what we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1) I don’t want someone pushing me to justify my beliefs, and equally, I do not want to push anyone to believe in mine. There are sooooo many interpretations of the bible. I just hope that others give God a chance…that’s all. A simple answer to the knock at the door is all that is required.

So, feeling unaccepted is normal but we cannot succomb to that fear of rejection. We must stand firm in who we are and who we strive to be. It is simply our duty to stand up and proclaim the good things He has done. Stand strong in our resolve. And when I do, I don’t expect you to sit down and consume it all – watch me, examine my life and see how my faith impacts me. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I have the scars. I have been and still am broken at times. I fall but I get back up. It’s a process. I pray that God uses me to show others how He wants to work in our lives. I give Him everything, no matter how scary that is because I trust Him. Positivity is a choice. I chose to open the door and I let Him in. If you are curious about even an ounce of what I’ve got, maybe you’ll consider answering, too. He has done and is doing a work in me like no one ever has, or ever will. I’m seeing love as it should be: pure, true, unconditional, relentless. Sometimes it hurts like hell, but just like childbirth, I would do it all again.

Face it. Rejection hurts, so what do we think God feels when we reject Him? Are we just going to throw up our hands or go hide in the corner? Well, I need God in my corner. With Him anything is possible. He is not human flesh like you and I. He doesn’t battle with sin like you and I. He is the Creator, the Healer, the Redeemer, the Almighty, Alpha/Omega, the Everything. Now that God has revealed this to me, it’s time to take action. No greater love have I ever known than the love and grace I continue to receive from Jesus…how can I deny Him? When I cry, I go into His arms. I need not say a word because He knows me. Yet He longs for a relationship with me so I will continue on my walk with Him no matter how scary it gets. There is no prize for the fighter who doesn’t fight. God does not want me to be ashamed. I will not throw away my confidence or give away my strength because of fear. He wants me to stand strong and share all I’ve learned. And it’s not so much a matter of sharing the word, but sharing through how I live and how I chose to be. Positive. Inspiring. Motivated. I didn’t become like this. This is who I have always been but I’ve let people bring me down. I know what I want and I’m not settling for less. You call it chance, you call it luck…I call it blessed, I call him Lord.

“Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.” ~ Hebrews 10:32-35

“But whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.” ~ Matthew 10:33

“I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” ~ Jeremiah 17:10

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” ~ 1 John 4:1

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” ~ Romans 3:23

“If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.” ~ Hebrews 10:26-27

Missing Our Calling: Is There a Reason for Everything?

Something’s been on my heart real heavy the past week…you know how we always say everything happens for a reason? Well, I believe that, I really do. When I was with my spiritual advisor 2 Wednesday’s ago, she told me about a woman who God called into ministry. She said the woman asked God ‘why her?’, and He told her that the guy before her did not answer His call. So, that made me start to think…if he would’ve answered his calling, then he was following God’s plan. But he didn’t. That’s surely not what God wanted. How could that have happened for a reason? He missed out on something extremely special. So I struggled with two facts: everything happens for a reason and sometimes we miss our calling. They seem like polar opposites, contradicting each other. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this guy who didn’t answer God’s calling happened for a reason. How many times have I went against God’s will and missed out on something special?? The way I see it, it’s like missing the last bus. Now what? Those times when we chose to go against our calling, that can’t be for a good reason. So, I struggled with this for a week. I started to assume that when we miss it, we miss it forever…yet…where does that leave us? Today in church I think God answered my request to help settle this unsettling about missing our calling and things happening for a reason.

I’ll provide a little more background. As I’ve said before, I have a special friend who I dated for about three months recently. We mutually decided that we needed to work on our relationships with God and forgo each other. It was obvious that we were a distraction to each other, preventing our spiritual growth. This hurt, but inside, I just knew it was right. I’m not healthy enough for a relationship. Relationships take work but I have to work on myself first so that I am able to fully participant in a healthy relationship. I don’t want a repeat of the love I’ve experienced before – or what I called love – again. They were so full of pain and regret. I need to work on me and the one person I know I can turn to in order to accomplish this is God. He is helping me learn more about myself. He is equipping me for a love I could never fathom. Not even in my dreams.

Anyway, we started talking again a couple weeks ago. Every day. Then, after about 5-6 days we recognized that it wasn’t time yet. It was like we were breaking up all over again, but this time as friends. It hurt so bad. I almost didn’t know how to deal with it…but I knew it was what we had to do. See…I feel him. Somehow, in my heart…in my soul…in my core, I just know that if I wait, I will experience something so great. That we could experience something wonderful. I can’t explain why, and I cannot articulate the exact words, but I feel it’s my spirit…telling me to wait…that it will be worth it. I know God has something so great in store for me and for the first time in my life, I am willing to be patient. I am willing to be single because I know I’m not alone. (For those who don’t know me, I’ve never been single for more than a month. A man qualifies me. Validates me. Determines my worth. In this walk I am learning to put my faith in God, not man.)

To connect these two thoughts, the debate over things happening for a reason verses missing our calling and my special friend, I’ve been asking myself things like, ‘what happens if we don’t work it out? What if we walk our walk and one of us falls and our paths never cross again?’ Does that mean my spiritual feeling that the love of my life will be gone forever?? I have no control over his walk, nor do I want it, but what if he takes a different turn in his walk? Enter one sentence my pastor said today, “No one can stop the plan of God.” This almost seemed out of place for the sermon he was preaching and I had a feeling that this one sentence was meant for me. It made my unsettling very clear. Everything happens for a reason because there is always a lesson to be learned from it. Each valley, each mountain gives way to God’s plan. And, when we miss our calling, we have another. He never gives up on us. We are tested repeatedly until He deems that we are ready. Some things happen because we missed our calling and He needs to redirect our paths. How does this go with my fear about my special friend? Well, I think he’s the one, and maybe God does too, but if he doesn’t follow God’s will…then…well, I think He will pick another who is suitable for me. I just have to stay on my walk. Submit my will to God. My special friend will always be my special friend. He will always hold a special place in my heart, but I can’t worry or even think about his walk. I can only concentrate on mine. I have to heed my calling so that I am the direct beneficiary of God’s will for me. He will supply. I pray for my friend. And I hope, for love “…always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

“There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” Proverbs 23:18

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;” Lamentations 3:25

“Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope,” Acts 2:26

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:25

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

Lonely Road of Faith

Another song by Kid Rock for you lunchtime enjoyment. My favorite line “Though I walk through the valley of darkness, I am not afraid, cause I know I’m not alone.” We have all been there. We are not alone…and while we may be unprepared for the storms and tides that rise, God is there also, crying right along with us, wanting us to know we can all make it through the change.

Up and down that lonely road of faith
I have been there
Unprepared for the storms and the tides that rise
I’ve realized one thing, how much I love you
And it hurts to see, see you cryin’
I believe we can make it through the winds of change

God is great indeed
If you believe, in the everlife
Yeah we gotta
Make some sense of the pieces that we’ve found
And if you just hold on, I won’t let ya fall (I won’t let ya fall, no)
We can make it through the storms and the winds of change

Though I walk through the valley of darkness
I am not afraid
Cause I know I’m not alone

And if the wind blows west, would you follow me
And if it blows to the south, would you count me out
And if the wind blows north, would ya stay your course

And if the wind blows east, would ya second guess
And if the sun don’t shine, would you still be mine
And if the sky turns grey, would you walk away
Would you say I do, if I say I’ll be
And would you walk this road through life with me?
You know I love youuuuuu

On this lonely road of faith
On this lonely road of faith

Kick Me When I’m Down

What is it about today? I am so exhausted. It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all, but I did. Kelley and I were getting along great until she rudely wanted to leave as we were having dinner with my advisor. We patched it up before we even got to her friends so I felt better. I drove by church but it’s hard to concentrate today so I decided to pass up church tonight and had every intention to blog a song and go to bed early. Then, I get home and the phone’s ringing. It was my dad so I answered it. Almost immediately he lays into me about the law mower being left out. First time I’ve done it since I’ve had it. The day I mowed it was so friggin hot. I didn’t even get to finish because I could barely breathe. And, I just simply forgot about it. Sheer accident. I didn’t do it on purpose nor was I trying to ‘tear it up’. I felt like I was being interrogated. See, my brother gave me the lawn mower last summer. It’s nice. Nothing extremely fancy but it does a great job. Always starts on the first pull. Needless to say, he proceeds to tell me how much my brother paid for it and that he wants it back. I told him I didn’t need his crap and to come get it if he wants it back so bad. I hung up. Remember how I told you I steer clear of my dad? This is exactly why. When I’m in a mood like this, I just can’t sit there and be drilled like I’m a child. And when I’m feeling this low, I lash out. It’s not right. I know that.

I’m so tired of strings being attached to things. I thought when you gave something to someone, that means you gave it to them?? It’s theirs now. Dad has always had strings on everything. If he gives you anything, and you accept it, you have to behave. You have to follow his rules or he’ll take it away, or even worse, make you feel like the smallest form of human on the planet. I’m 40 years old. I think that qualifies me as a grown up. Do I do everything perfect to his standards?? I can give you a solid ‘no’ on that one. Do I purposely tear things up and treat them bad? NO. It was an accident. It was an oversight. I’m human.

Okay…I’m thinking I should call him back but I’m afraid. I don’t want to be put down. I don’t want to get so mad that I can’t control my mouth. God help me. Someone has to be the bigger person. I have to remember what I preach so far as he doesn’t make me feel this way, I let him make me feel this way. And harsh words are not something God approves of, from my dad or me. I acted hastily. I just got home and he caught me off guard. (Proverbs 14:17, 14:29, 15:1) I need to overlook my dad’s words and not take them as such an offense. (Proverbs 19:11).  I let my anger get the best of me…and I only matched his anger with my own. My spirit is heavy because of this and only until I call and make it right will it feel any better. He is my dad. Neither of us are perfect.

Okay. I called him. And, as you all would guess, it turned out good. I apologized for being quick tempered and for leaving the lawn mower out. He said I need to take care of it or it won’t start (duh). I told him it was an accident and I didn’t do it on purpose. I also added that if he wants it back, to take it because I’m not going to worry about whether or not I need to buy one. (I had to stand up for myself on that note.) We talked for almost 30 minutes, about Obama (ugh) about my son, Michael…and then he told me he had a funeral to go to tomorrow morning – my mother’s cousin. He also said another of his friends passed away this week, too. Soooooo, now maybe I can see where his mind was at. (Proverbs 14:29) He is just trying to educate me while he still can – even though he’s just not that good at it. While his form may suck, his goal is valid. He told me how bad his knees have been hurting – thinks its arthritis. Told him he needs to call his doctor…he will…next week – doesn’t want to pay the co-pay. I told him he still needs to take care of it…before it gets too late and it causes him more problems. If you don’t care of yourself, you may not start one day. (wink, wink…I hope you all got that!)

God is right. We need to love each other like we want to be loved. If I waited for him to call me it would’ve been awhile. In reality, it would’ve only been more time to be angry and resentful. Hanging onto the bitterness only hardens our hearts and makes it harder for us to forgive. (Galatians 5:13-15) I can’t expect him to do anything I’m not willing to do myself. He’s my dad. Neither of us are perfect, but without him I wouldn’t have life. And, although he may drive me absolutely nuts…I do love that man. Now…think I’ll go mark my calendar and make sure he goes to the doctor next week…ya know, just to check and make sure he is taking care of things, too.  

“A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.” Proverbs 14:17

“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” Proverbs 14:29

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11 

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4: 31-32

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” ~ Galatians 5:13-15

 

Amen! Who knew Kid has it in him…

Yep, for this lunch hour we have good ole’ Kid Rock rockin’ some praise! Ok, ok…in his own unique way, of course. But hey, at least he’s praising! The images in this video are a smack of reality. When you get down because of bills, just think of these people who are starving. They can’t afford food let alone a house payment, car payment, insurance, etc. Can you imagine the joy on their faces if they could just order from the $1 menu at McDonalds?? We are free!! We aren’t any where near starving, yet if we are we have churches and organizations ready and willing to help. We just complain too much!!! 

If you didn’t know it, Kid is actually very supportive of our troops. He may have a big mouth but he has a big heart, too. I think the thing I love most about this song is how real it is. He’s telling everyone he sees it too, and he’s sick of it. He’s reminding us that we should judge less and love more. We have to love each other more if we want it to get better.  We cannot give up. “There’s someone out who unconditional, religiously loves you so, just hold on, cuz you know it’s true!” If you agree with some of the points in this song, let’s hear some AMENs!!

Every knee shall bow…

We Need a HERO

Afternoon lunch folks! I love Skillet. You wouldn’t think of them as a Christian band, but they are.

In this song, the hero they are referring to God. Like you and I, the song speaks of the struggle, the times we are on the edge, feeling down almost to the point of losing our faith…but they cry out; they need a hero to save them. And they know He will, just in time. Then it seems like their attitudes shift. He knows what he has to do, and he’ll do it. He’ll fight the battle. Live another day. Speak his mind and make his voice heard. Who’s gonna fight for what’s right? Who’s gonna fight for the weak? Who’s gonna help them believe? And my favorite “I’ve got a hero…living in me”. He wants to share that quality only God can give: hope, grace, mercy. How powerful. We all feel so disparaged at some point in life that it seems pointless, but this songs screams that it’s not, if you have the Hero of all Heros!

Did you know you have the Holy Spirit living inside you? (Ezekiel 36:26-27) I think that’s why sometime when we think it’s our gut, it’s really God. This life is so good at bringing us down. We think we are all alone and oblivious to the warfare going on between our flesh and spirit. Count ourselves as crazy, or ‘just the way we are’. We are so good at giving the devil all he needs to keep us convinced that we each deserve more and should be able to work less. My generation didn’t suffer through depression wondering where they were going to get the next meal. No wonder my Dad and I are so distant. From the time we were small and observing our families fret over bills, money, the neighbors and the like, these worrisome traits were engrained into us. And maybe we learned to covet, be jealous, have fits of rage when things don’t go our way because we were just down right spoiled, we even accepted drinking or drugs to the extreme because we justified that it’s ‘okay’ to just want to escape. But it’s not! All of these are sins and we won’t get into heaven doing these things, especially if we think we can just ask for forgiveness when we die. We have to earn our keep here on this earth, just as much as we need to earn heaven. He will judge us for what we have done here on earth. There is judgment for our actions. (Jeremiah 17:9-10) God does not demand we earn our way into heaven, but we should do it because as humans we each deserve it. Think of how much better this world would be if we lived by simple principles of forgiveness, honest, love, hope, mercy, gentleness and self-control…

Do you think God is just going to forgive you at the last minute and let you walk through the gates? No. God is a just and jealous God. Why do you think Adam and Eve clothed themselves and hid from Him? He wants a relationship with us. (1 John 4:19) He is a kind and loving God who does not want anyone to perish. (2 Peter 3:9) The time to break free from sin is NOW! The bible says that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There is no law against these such things.” (Galatians 5:19-23). Who wouldn’t pick anyone of these over jealous? Self ambition? Sexual immorality? And if we each had more of these fruits and less of the sin, think of what a better world this would be…that’s what God wants. That’s all He wants. It’s what He longs for: a world that chooses to bear good fruit instead of indulging in sinful nature. The devil tempts us but God only tests us and our faith in Him. A lifetime is but a breath to God. This life is just a test and through our test we weave our testimony. This blog is my testimony and by sharing it I hope I touch at least one other person in the name of God.

He gave us free will, but like I’ve said before, it’s not free. As with everything, you pay a price. So, we each have to choose our deal: Pride, jealousy and greed in exchange for what? Temporary enjoyment and an eternity in hell? Chance waiting till the last minute to be saved? That’s a pretty scary ‘maybe’. Nah…I’ll take submission, repentance and transparency in exchange for God’s rod, staff, grace, mercy and blessings. I chose to be victorious with my Almighty HERO both here on earth and in heaven.

 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” ~ Ezekiel 36:26-27

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” ~ Galatians 5:19-23

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. What can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”” ~ Jeremiah 17:9-10

“We love because he first loved us.” ~ 1 John 4:19

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” ~ 2 Peter 3:9 

How Great is Our God

What a great song to end the day with…listen to the audience! That is so friggin’ awesome! He is the Lion and the Lamb. He soothes our self inflicted wounds and curses those who curse us (Genesis 12:3) SING WITH ME!

“I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” ~ Genesis 12:3

“The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously; those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be cut off. If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.“ ~ Psalm 37:21-25 (I LOVE THIS ONE!!)

“Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways.” ~ Proverbs 8:22

“The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.” ~ Proverbs 10:7

“⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
      for they will be comforted.
 ⁵Blessed are the meek,
      for they will inherit the earth.
 ⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
      for they will be filled.
 ⁷Blessed are the merciful,
      for they will be shown mercy.
 ⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
      for they will see God.
 ⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
      for they will be called sons of God.
 ¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 ¹¹“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” ~ Matthew 5:4-12

Whatever You’re Doing

Surrender. Strong word. Many would probably consider it a sign of weakness, but with God, it’s not. This year will always be a milestone for me. The year I truly started evaluating who I really am. The year I learned how to surrender to God and following His will. Gotta stop climbing the clouds of my dreams and let Him take me to the mountains. By the way, it hurts like hell falling from them clouds, no matter how great the dream is. Dreams always end. I need to continue asking for forgiveness and asking Him to give me direction. To surrender my will for His. He has a plan for each of us. Plans for us prosper, never to harm. (Jeremiah 29:11) To make right what I’ve done wrong in the past, I have to confess my sins to him and not repeat them. I need to just keep going; when I can’t run, I’ll walk and when I can’t walk, I’ll crawl. I will surrender to Him and whatever He is doing.

And it’s so true, through the chaos, somehow, there’s peace. If it’s one thing I would love to share with each of you is the overwhelming lack of hopelessness I use to have. Even in the darkness, I feel His light. I am giving into something heavenly. What I want…just shouldn’t be right now. I’m not fighting it. I’m just letting it be. Forgive me for not elaborating…it’s between me and God. At least for now. Let’s just say, I want what I want, and I know, I just can’t live like that anymore, so…I have to let it go. I can’t fight for it. I just have to let it be what it is. I don’t know what the future holds and I honestly don’t know if what I feel is of God or not. It could just be the devil wanting to drag me back down. He doesn’t like me getting closer to God. But He’s working in me…and hopefully…others, too. He’s up to something bigger then me – more then I could ever expect or dream of. Praise God! And, it’s time for me to stop living in a dream. That’s what caused me problems in the past. And like I said earlier, falling from a cloud is very painful. It just is what it is…time.

I don’t get nearly as down as I use to, because I turn to music like this…listen to KLOVE sometime. Positive. Encouraging. Awesome, uplifting music. I know I’m going to be okay. So even if I cry, they aren’t all sad tears. I’m just…saying goodbye to the old me…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

I Will Rise

Today…not so bad…tonight…not so good. So, this song reminds me that although my flesh may fail, He is with me. I will rise from this and be better for it. The day will come when I will know if what I feel in my heart is true. For now, I have to silence it. Overcome. It’s so hard to cry when you just…know. You can’t explain it, and part of you knows you shouldn’t. This may sound morbid, but I can’t wait until I’m with my Mom…until then, I’ll just keep chugging on in this walk. And, ya know what? Even in this moment, I can see my growth. I’m not who I use to be…reminds me of another song. 

Lord, I stand before you, transparent, bearing all my faults and sins. Forgive me Jesus. Lift me up, help me fight these emotions. Dry my tears. Lord, let me hear you. Draw me close. Silence my fears. Let me lay on Your chest and just feel Your heartbeat surge through me. I am weak Lord…yet, I know You love me, and it is a love I can barely fathom. Make me strong in Your Holy Name. Thank you Jesus for Your many blessings. I know You will be right here with me yet again. I am not in darkness because I know You walk with me. Amen.

Long Black Train

The long black train resembles addiction and sin. The engineer is the devil. He wants you to climb aboard and he’ll do whatever he can to coax you on there. He’ll make it sound great and without consequence, but in reality it leads nowhere…only hell. The only true victory in God. Cling to Him. Talk to Him. You don’t have to have the perfect prayer, just when you wake up, thank God that you have another day. Ask Him to walk with you, to guard you against the devil, to reveal where He wants you to go.

My philosophy is, always thank Him. He made the sky, the earth, the heavens. If you think you have nothing to be thankful for, think of the flowers that bloom, the sun that rises. God doesn’t just want to be there when you’re struggling, He wants to be there when you’re happy, so thank Him. Then, as with any good hygiene regimen, repeat!