There I am, gloomy Saturday morning, cleaning my room. I actually enjoy the sun hiding while it rains. It creates an ambiance of tranquility. The house is quite. Everyone is gone…just me and the soft pittering of rain on my window pane.
As I clean I find some old memories of my special friend and I recall what my accountability partner told me the day after I confronted him, “Get rid of it all, Angie – the pictures, the texts, everything.” Let go of the old so the new can have a place in my life. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. I had to let the old go. Honestly, it took a couple days but reluctantly, I did discard the texts, photos… and surprisingly, it didn’t take long before I began to feel a lifting in my spirit. No more constant looking back; no more rehashing. No more trying to ‘figure it out’…it is what it is – or better – it was what it was. Naturally my focus redirected to my future, not the past. The new, not the old.
I sat on my bed and started to post this on Facebook, but it deserves a spot on my blog. I often pray that God lead me to what I should write and times like these, I know He hears me. I’m actually crying, but these are happy tears. I know that I know that God is with me right now. He doesn’t want me to hurt –He doesn’t want any of us to hurt. He wants us to grow and go forward. That’s why He laid it on my heart to sit down and write what I’m feeling right now. Letting go of the old, we allow ourselves to become new. Hanging onto the past keeps us connected to the pain; it doesn’t allow for us to fully heal.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ~ Revelation 21:4-5
There is a special freedom in purging the things that bind us to bad memories…photos, poems, cards, texts, emails, notes, etc. By letting go of them, I let go of the mourning, the pain. I make way for the new – I make way for true healing. Those days are gone and recalling them only stirs up old feelings: resentment, regret…pain. Let your new self emerge! It will happen! I didn’t realize the impact of doing so but I’m telling you – it is so worth it. The things I can’t purge like clothes, music, movie lines…I avoided them for a long time, but they also are slowly forming new meaning. They are becoming a signal of a rebirth in my spirit…a renewing of my soul. A reminder that better days are yet to come, but they can’t if we are holding on.
I forgive myself for not unclenching my grip sooner – for not seeing the signs that were evident, for not adhering to the unsettling in my spirit that could have avoided most of this turmoil. I can let all that go because I take from it a valuable lesson. I know what I don’t want. And…I forgive him, too. The lies, the deceit, the infidelity; those are his crosses to bare. That’s between him and God. Sadly, not everyone can be saved, not even those who claim to want it – but I do. Onward bound…
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” ~ Luke 7:47