Right Where I Need to Be

Yesterday, as I’m walking into work, I see this small purple petunia. I knew there was a story behind it…then I noticed it again this morning. What’s so special about this petunia, you ask? Well, it was amongst a row of red rose bushes, right there at the corner of the flower bed. Just one stem, one pretty little flower, yet clearly out of place. No. A petunia is not a weed, but keep in mind that ‘anything that does not grow where it’s suppose to, is a weed’.

You may recall my garlic post about the garlic that grew in my front yard – a weed, verses the garlic that we cook with. I have a passion for gardening and a deep dislike for weeds. But I’ve come to find that some things we view as beautiful, just aren’t, not unless they are in their right element. Our beauty flourishes when we are in the right place. Funny. You would think I’d have said weeds are annoying unless they grow in the right place. Either way, the point is the same. 

I think we are all weeds at some point in life. We let our situation hinder our growth. We bloom where we aren’t meant to bloom. We spin our wheels thinking we can force a square into a circle. But we shouldn’t spend our precious time worrying about the ‘what if’s’ – cuz Lord knows, in this world, there are plenty of those. Don’t minimize the journey. The bad times, the trying times…they all have the potential to lead us to the path we are suppose to take. Enjoy the rain and let it grow you as a person. The quicker we realize we are not in control, the sooner God can transplant us to where we need to be.

In case I’ve lost anyone in this post, here is what that petunia said to me: Although pretty and fragrant, I’ve been a weed for far too long, in situations where I was not meant to bloom. As my readers know, I went on a dating hiatus back in June 2010. Through this, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I feel like a beautiful rose. I am blessed and so very thankful; even thankful for the down times because I think there is where I have learned the most. I know what it’s like to feel like that petunia. And I know that it is God’s grace and mercy that transplants me to where I need to be – right here, right now. Stick around. This is just the beginning.

“Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare.” ~ Proverbs 20:13

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”~ Jeremiah 29:10-12

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” ~ Song of Solomon 3:4

A Heartfelt Letter: Bloom Baby Bloom

A Heartfelt Letter

I have been starting to understand a lot of things about myself…who I was, who I am …who I want to be. Getting closer to God has made me priortize things in my life and I’m seeing what I use to take for granted. Fortunately God is helping me see the true value of love, of understanding…and of acceptance. I can fully comprehend that no one is perfect and it’s time I admit that you can’t be perfect either. The only perfect person is God and we are fooling ourselves if we think we can even compare to Him.

It’s important that I tell you, I’m realizing the hell I’ve put you through over the past several years. Up till now I blamed you for all my failures. I told you you weren’t good enough that you were the reason for all the pain. And…I want to say…I’m sorry. From the depth of my soul, I apologize. All the things I’ve said, the way I’ve put you down, the mean looks I’ve given you, the way I have made you feel about yourself. I’m sure what I’ve done only made you feel lower…unworthy…undeserving of any form of love. No wonder you settled and let others bring you down. I made your life rougher then what it had to be, then what it ever should have been. I should’ve been you go-to person but instead I was your worst critic. I bet some of what I said, you believed, so much so that it stabbed your heart and halted your growth. Instead of opening up to become the beautiful flower that you are, my words caused you to put up a wall. Well, it’s time to tear down that wall so that everyone can see you blossom and be inspired by your strength.

I know what you’re thinking, words are just words but it’s time that YOU STOP making light of what people do to you and say to you – stop making excuses – and just admit that it’s plain, down right wrong! You deserve so much more…especially from me. When those painful words come from people who are important in your lives, those words can become like swords and it’s just not right to speak to someone you love like that. It’s time for me to your stop being your worst enemy and start being your first line of defense. No more making excuses, Angie. You deserve better and I’m gonna start giving it to you. I’m gonna be your #1 cheerleader.

God tells us to confess our sins one to the other, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I want to confess my wrongs to your blog readers and sincerely apologize for kicking you while you were down, for hindering your growth. I am so sorry for all the times I’ve stabbed you with my words…forgive me. I know I was wrong. Repentance means change, not just confessing our wrongs, so I vow to you right here and right now to never talk down to you like that again. You are truly special and it’s time I started treating you like as such. I look in the mirror now and tell you from the bottom of my heart, “I love you”. You are everything and with God we can do anything. You are beautiful…inside and out.

 

Bloom baby, bloom.

 

Love,

Me

 

Okay…maybe you can tell that this letter is to myself. It’s time I stop beating myself down and start lifting myself up. I’m gonna start loving me and forgiving myself for the doubt, the worry and the anxiety. It may take me awhile to trust again, but I can’t drive myself crazy with the guilt.

I’ve never really cared much about what others thought of me. I go to the grocery or gas station in my pink house shoes and never give it a second thought. If my hair isn’t perfect or my clothes don’t perfectly match – who cares, because it doesn’t matter what anyone but God thinks about me. AND…it does matter what we think about ourselves. As Joyce Meyer says in her “Wrong Thinking” sermon, if we keep telling ourselves something, we will believe it. What are you telling yourselves??