A Heartfelt Letter: Bloom Baby Bloom

A Heartfelt Letter

I have been starting to understand a lot of things about myself…who I was, who I am …who I want to be. Getting closer to God has made me priortize things in my life and I’m seeing what I use to take for granted. Fortunately God is helping me see the true value of love, of understanding…and of acceptance. I can fully comprehend that no one is perfect and it’s time I admit that you can’t be perfect either. The only perfect person is God and we are fooling ourselves if we think we can even compare to Him.

It’s important that I tell you, I’m realizing the hell I’ve put you through over the past several years. Up till now I blamed you for all my failures. I told you you weren’t good enough that you were the reason for all the pain. And…I want to say…I’m sorry. From the depth of my soul, I apologize. All the things I’ve said, the way I’ve put you down, the mean looks I’ve given you, the way I have made you feel about yourself. I’m sure what I’ve done only made you feel lower…unworthy…undeserving of any form of love. No wonder you settled and let others bring you down. I made your life rougher then what it had to be, then what it ever should have been. I should’ve been you go-to person but instead I was your worst critic. I bet some of what I said, you believed, so much so that it stabbed your heart and halted your growth. Instead of opening up to become the beautiful flower that you are, my words caused you to put up a wall. Well, it’s time to tear down that wall so that everyone can see you blossom and be inspired by your strength.

I know what you’re thinking, words are just words but it’s time that YOU STOP making light of what people do to you and say to you – stop making excuses – and just admit that it’s plain, down right wrong! You deserve so much more…especially from me. When those painful words come from people who are important in your lives, those words can become like swords and it’s just not right to speak to someone you love like that. It’s time for me to your stop being your worst enemy and start being your first line of defense. No more making excuses, Angie. You deserve better and I’m gonna start giving it to you. I’m gonna be your #1 cheerleader.

God tells us to confess our sins one to the other, and that’s what I’m trying to do. I want to confess my wrongs to your blog readers and sincerely apologize for kicking you while you were down, for hindering your growth. I am so sorry for all the times I’ve stabbed you with my words…forgive me. I know I was wrong. Repentance means change, not just confessing our wrongs, so I vow to you right here and right now to never talk down to you like that again. You are truly special and it’s time I started treating you like as such. I look in the mirror now and tell you from the bottom of my heart, “I love you”. You are everything and with God we can do anything. You are beautiful…inside and out.

 

Bloom baby, bloom.

 

Love,

Me

 

Okay…maybe you can tell that this letter is to myself. It’s time I stop beating myself down and start lifting myself up. I’m gonna start loving me and forgiving myself for the doubt, the worry and the anxiety. It may take me awhile to trust again, but I can’t drive myself crazy with the guilt.

I’ve never really cared much about what others thought of me. I go to the grocery or gas station in my pink house shoes and never give it a second thought. If my hair isn’t perfect or my clothes don’t perfectly match – who cares, because it doesn’t matter what anyone but God thinks about me. AND…it does matter what we think about ourselves. As Joyce Meyer says in her “Wrong Thinking” sermon, if we keep telling ourselves something, we will believe it. What are you telling yourselves??

Word of God Speak

This song…really hit me today. It spoke to me. God tells us to be still and know that He is God (Exodus, 14:14, Psalm 37:7, Psalm 46:10-11, Zechariah 2:13, Mark 4:39) but in this crazy world it’s so hard to silence the distractions sometimes. Read Mark 4:35-41, the story of how God calmed the storm. We must have faith even in the furious squalls that barrage our lives. While it is common to panic and claim how unfortunate we are, we really just need to be still and not be afraid. God is with us, even when we feel alone. Be still and hear Him, let Him speak to your heart. It’s okay to not know what to say…do what I do and just repeat, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…”

Remember, the mind is the devil’s playground…so, close it down. Rest in the silence – give God the silence. Give Him time to speak to your heart and remember that His time is nothing like ours. Be still and know He is in your secret place, He is in your everywhere. Stay and rest in His peace. Just like it is possible to have peace in turmoil, it is possible to have silence in chaos. I’ll repeat it again: Give God time to speak to your heart. The Holy Spirit lives inside each of us. Let Him out by silencing yourself.

I’m finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it’s okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I’m finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I’m finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it’s okay

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” ~ Psalm 37:7

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” ~ Exodus 14:14

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah” ~ Psalm 46:10-11

“Be still before the LORD, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.” ~ Zechariah 2:13

“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”  ~ Mark 4:39

Monster

This song is actually Christian based. About a deep hurt. I’ll leave it at that. Make your own assessment. But, we all feel like a monster at some point. Why can’t we stop hurting? Why do we repeat mistakes just to hurt again? Why do the memories echo in our minds? What do we do with the rage that is caged within? Why won’t somebody save us?? Well, God can. But He can’t without you inviting Him. He can’t and won’t make you surrender your will. We have to do more then just want it, we have to strive for it.

NOTE: the commerical at the beginning sucks, but hang in there. The song is worth it.