Last night I almost did something really stupid…then a song came on and it changed everything. I did something I didn’t think I’d have the courage to do. I hoped I would, but I doubted myself. I could see that I was starting to go around that familiar mountain again, the very last thing I want. So, I did what I had to do, and I cried. But they were happy tears. I knew I had reached an impasse: there was no way of denying that I’m destined for better things, yet it is up to me. Even when doubt consumes us, we must depend on God. We must believe.
Scary? Damn right.
Exciting? Darn tootin’.
I refuse to let the fear stop me. I refuse to get in my own way. There are many great things waiting for me…
So I wake up late this morning and miss church. I don’t feel I HAVE to go every Sunday but I had been looking forward to it all week. Rather than get down about it, I poured a cup of coffee and watched some TBN. A bit on the ‘crazy’ side, so I started to read. “Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On“, by Stormie Omartian. The chapter was about being in the wilderness, learning to lean on God not our own understanding. The wilderness is a place to grow our faith. (Boy. Do I know that.) “He doesn’t want us to depend on the comfortable. He wants us to depend on Him.” That’s what happened to me last night; I realized I wa leaning on the comfortable, the convenient ~ satisfying the ‘right now’. That song reminded me of what is out there…who is out there, and who I want to be when we unite. “…the wilderness may seem like nowhere at the time, [yet] it is somewhere if that’s where God wants you. For it’s there He will prepare you for the good thing He is about to do in your life.” Last night was about the preparation of better things to come. I’ve said I won’t settle, and I won’t. Hence, the beginning of a great day.
But it gets better. I decided it was time to rake the leaves in my driveway. It was the one place I couldn’t mulch last year and every time I see it, it bothers me. Plus the front yard is overdue for some attention. If I want to sell this house, I’ve got to make it appealing asap. As you know, I hate winter and I’ve been avoiding it for some time, so I was determined that today was the day.
As I’m raking, I’m thinking, this is the best time of year to do this. New life is revealed as sprigs of green emerge from under the dead, damp foilage. As I look back at my progress, the gravel is combed, clean and new; refreshed. Tender vines stretch out against the fencing. The birds provide a splendor of melody in the background, equally anticipating the approach of Spring. It started to sprinkle a bit, but I love rain. I welcomed it’s gentle touch and continued on with my work. In the front yard, my heart smiles as I reveal the snapdragons etching the mailbox and notice the rose bushes vibrate green with new buds just starting to form. I’m loving it. But then, in the confines of my flowerbed, what should I see?? Garlic.
Oh geez. I hate that stuff. I instantly relived the battle I have with it every year. I literally laughed out loud. Why? Because it made me think: isn’t that just like our own seasons? Always something there to complain about. Nothing is ever just ‘perfect’. We complain in winter it’s too cold but come summer, we complain it’s too hot. I love my life. I have a great job, great friends, bills are paid, nice home, awesome kids…but I miss having someone special to share it with – that’s my garlic.
Just before this ephipany, I had posted on Facebook that a weed is only a weed when it grows in the wrong place. Then it hit me. Funny how I dispise this garlic, but love the stuff in my pantry. Last night was a matter of realizing the good garlic from the bad garlic and doing something about it, regardless what others think or say. I hate feeling lonely, but by embracing it, that is what will make it so much more special when I do find that special someone.
We all have our own ‘garlic’ in life and we shoul expect to find some form of it in the wilderness, but that’s exactly where we need to be, and what we need to learn in order to prepare us for what God has in store for us. When in doubt, turn to Him. Place a greater value on what you cherish most: the spice of life that makes it all worth it.