Tag Archives: tired

Way Too Long

Well hello there! Remember me? Sorry for it being so long since I last posted. I’ll try to do better in 2013.

So, we got moved to Georgia in mid September of 2012 and the day after – yes, the day after we unloaded the last truck, we got the dreaded call – the contract had fell through. Yep. We loaded one more truck and headed home to Indiana. That was a scary and defeated feeling. I hated those days. Saying goodbye to something that I had no sooner said hello. The thoughts that rushed through me were common; ‘Why?’ Why did we literally pack everything we own and spend $1000’s of dollars just to move right back? My Mom taught me the most valueable lesson of my life in her last days. “There’s always a reason, we just aren’t meant to know why sometimes.”

By the end of October we were back in Indiana. His folks visited us a couple time for the holidays and I was very happy to host my family twice when my sons came to visit. My middle son came first the beginning of December with his wife and my first grandson, Riott. We had 21 family members over for Sunday dinner. It was amazing! Always wanted a place big enough to host my ever-growing family. If you think 21 is large – that was not even half of my immediate family. My nephew and niece-in-law announced their big news: due in July!! Yes, yet another grandchild to add to the family tree. What a joyous moment!

Hosting the family wasn’t near as much stress as I thought it would be and I was glad to do it again in January when my oldest son visited with his new wife. She’s due May 22 – yes, going to be grandma x2! YAY!! Another branch extends forth!! Found out it will be another boy, Noah. Can’t wait to meet him. Sucks that we live so far away. Doesn’t matter if I live in Indiana or Georgia or ‘Timbucktoo’; both my sons live in Missouri. That’s probably the part I don’t like about my life most right now; I can’t just stop over and see my kids/grandkids. Can’t just babysit and spoil my offspring’s offspring…but thank God for modern technology. I can text, call, Skype and keep up on their to-do-n’s on Facebook. I can see progressive baby belly pics and hear all about her craving and emotional boundings. I can still offer my motherly advise and be involved. It’s the little things 🙂

I found a new job – one I love so much. I work from home now. It’s great!! I actually turned down 2 other offers in town. That was scary. I’ve never worked on a contract like this before and after what happened to Dave’s contract last year, I feared the worse. Besides, I cannot recall ever turning down a job offer, but something told me to take this one. I knew it meant I had to disciplined. I knew the risks. It took almost a month before I actually started. I worried if it was real. But my worries were soon layed to rest. When I started working, it was just as I remembered. It was like dusting off a bike and hopping back on – I was a little wobbly the first couple days but before I knew it, I was doing flips and coasting with my hands up in the air! The people I work with are fun, dedicated, understanding and just down right great people. They have faith and that really sold me on them. They weren’t afraid to say it in both my interviews. Know how when you talk to someone, you just click? Well, that’s the way it was with this team. I’m glad I listened to my gut.

And it’s a good thing I took that remote job – we are back in Georgia!! Yep. Last truck is unloaded and no call yet. (And there better not be, God willing! Lol!) I have faith that this time is it. We are here for good. Today marks his first day at his new job. Kinda scary, but in a good way. Dave and I are as strong as ever. He even left me a little note in my office this morning. Love those little moments…don’t think he realizes how much…

So, what’s the moral of this blog? Don’t give up. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the best things happen out of the worst circumstances. It is our struggles – our victories and our defeats – that makes us who we are. We can chose to begrudge life and anticipate the next hurdle or we can face each day for what it is, knowing that we have the opportunity to rise above, grow and be grateful. I got to host my family not once, but twice. I got to have my sons over and create some new memories together. I got to spend some quality time with my daugther who is growing into the woman I knew she could be. I got to overcome one of life worst disappointments with the one I love. I am thankful for technology that allows me to stay connected no matter where I am. I am thankful for my faith that continues to see me through – and I am reminded that through God’s strength, we can do anything.

Until next time!

 

“The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.”  ~ Psalm 69:32

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  ~ Romans 12:2

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

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Time to Unpack and Let the Leaves Fall Where They May

Been praying that God give me something to write about, and yet again He pulls through, but not without some deep thought and reflection first…

We all know what happens when the seasons change to Fall: the leaves begin to change into a kalidescope of colors as they end their journey as a colorful carpet on the ground. It’s beautiful in it’s own rite and as a photographer, I love this time of year. But last week, as random leaves began to float to the ground below, I saw the trees differently. It dawned on me: trees are so unlike other earthly things. Instead of shedding its ‘coat’ for summer, it flourishes in order to shelter us and protect us from the intensity of the sun or the drizzle of the summer rains. Then, as winter approaches, it sheds its ‘coat’, destined to bare the harshness of the snow and cold nights. The fruitless branches almost give the appearance that the tree is dead, yet on the inside it thrives…and survives, growing even larger and more beautiful as the next season approaches. The tenderness of the leaves could in no way handle the ice. The bitterness of winter chill would freeze the frail shoots and stunt it’s growth…if not kill it. It needs winter. It must embrace winter. Trees are designed for the seasons, just as we are, but we don’t allow ourselves the time or give ourselves the credit to do so.

In my walk, I have come to notice that so many people jump from one relationship to another. It’s saddening. I see the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, but instead of embracing that feeling and growing from it, many stiffle the lesson by running into the arms of someone new who is surely to be ‘the one’. In reality, all they are doing is running away and bringing a little more luggage along with them in the process. I was guilty of this, too. I admit it. But now I refuse. I’m unpacking. I want to embrace my singleness. Shed my leaves. Become bear right there in front of the Lord and admit who I am and what got me here. I want to shed this old me, unpack – lighten my load – so that when it is my season, I will come into bloom as the most beautiful and awe inspiring vision I can be. There is no lesson we can learn about ourselve if we are not, first and foremost, HONEST with ourselves. We have to shed the protect shell we hide behind, open our luggage and take a long hard look at what we’ve been lugging around. We can’t rely on instant gratification to satisfy our lust for self. We have to really take a good look in the mirror and see what makes us, us, then decide what parts we want to shed and what parts we want to nurture. And God can help. He WANTS to help.

You may think that change is impossible, that you’ve been this way for years, but with God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26) You may think you aren’t good enough or that you don’t deserve it – and you just might be right – but that’s okay because GOD knows you ARE good enough. You deserve the new you – He wants you to thrive and flourish. When you look at yourself in the eyes of God, the reflection is amazing! So don’t be afraid to let the leaves fall, to become transparent in front of the Lord. There is a season for everything. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) So embrace the season you are in, as it prepares you for the next.

“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Say to them, ‘This is what the LORD says:

“‘When people fall down, do they not get up?
When someone turns away, do they not return? 
They cling to deceit;
they refuse to return. 
I have listened attentively,
but they do not say what is right.
None of them repent of their wickedness,
saying, “What have I done?”
Each pursues their own course
like a horse charging into battle.
Even the stork in the sky
knows her appointed seasons,
and the dove, the swift and the thrush
observe the time of their migration.
But my people do not know
the requirements of the LORD.” ~ Jeremiah 8:4-7

“He changes times and seasons;
he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.” ~ Daniel 2:21-22

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26

What Doesn’t Help You Grow, Holds You Back

So. It’s been a rough week. Heart broke, sad, mad, angry, hurt. Last night everyone seemed to be commenting on Facebook and it really got me going. Started posting confidence quotes and feeling them. I wondered how today was going to be. Asked God to give  me something to write about. Writing always makes me feel better…

I get up late – which felt great. The night before I was going through things I want to do: mow, weedeat, till my garden. Well, I  did one of those. Mower is broke and my kitten is buried in my garden. Wasn’t quite ready to deal with that. I got out to string my gas weedeater and ended up cleaning out the garage. Damn it looks good, but it sure took some work…and left a few scars.

Moving boxes from my laundry room to outside – I bashed my thigh on the corner of the dresser. OOUCH! Yes. It hurt. And left a pretty hefty purplish red bruise. I still feel it.

Moving things and sweeping, and sweeping and sweeping my garage – I got 9 blisters on my hands. (Not exaggerating. I counted them.)

Weeding my front yard with my electric weedeater (Yes. Electric. Couldn’t get  the dang thingy off the gas one to add string) – I tripped several times, got severe shakes and excessively dehydrated from the numerous times I had to restring the dang thing.

Taking a well deserved shower – I managed to rub my right  contact way up under my eyelid. Took awhile to get it down and actually painful but I got it. I just look hung over now.

So what’s my point? I have more bruises, blisters and scars from today, but my job was accomplished. Not just accomplished but I did a good job and it looks awesome (I’d sleep out there if it wasn’t for the crickets). Through all the mishaps, I didn’t stop. I didn’t give up. I didn’t throw in the towel. I didn’t cry and complain about how bad things were going. I didn’t throw anything or go into a cursing frenzy. I just kept going, band-aid after band-aid. That’s how we should treat everything. Even relationships. Anything we do, we should just give it our best. Be the best person we know we can be. Maybe I wasn’t perfect – who is – but I was the best me I know to be: I was loyal, committed and honest; I never lied, I never hid anything, and I definitely never did anything to hurt him on purpose. Instead of looking at what he did wrong, I look at what I did right. I won’t look at the scars and think of the pain, the aggervation or the loss; I’ll look at them and remember what I accomplished: I remained true to my word and true to my heart and I see areas I still need to work on. I have some good memories and those are the ones I will keep. The most beautiful thing a woman can ever wear, is confidence. Know who you are and wear it well. If you don’t like something, do what you must to change that but I’ll tell you know, true change must come from within. Not from someone else wanting it or someone else doing it. It’s all us, baby.

What doesn’t help you grow, holds you back. Cry if you need to cry. Be mad if you feel mad. Get the hurt out, then get over it and keep moving. You don’t have to forget, but you’ve got to let it go. Let the scars remind you of where you’ve and why you never want to repeat them. Scars are not a bad thing. Learn from it and leave the anger and tears behind. You’re worth it.

Much love 🙂

I Am What I Am

I haven’t written in some time…busy with school and kids. I think of a lot of stuff to post about, but I don’t take the time to write and so I forget and it gets pushed off to the side. My deepest apologies. 

Someone posted the following verse on Facebook today and it’s resonating in me.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” 1 Corinthians 15:10.

I personally haven’t ‘worked harder than all of them‘, but I am what I am. I am flawed…we all are, I know. Some times it’s so damn hard. I know God is working in  me and I just feel like a failure sometimes. I can’t stop the thoughts. I don’t know what to do with myself.

Walking with God is a process: a long, painstaking process. Don’t take it lightly. Don’t think for a moment that just because you are a Christian that life is easy. It actually gets harder because the devil doesn’t want you to go. he knows all you’re weaknesses, he knows exactly where to kick you….and he’s determined to get you back…back to the misery of your mistakes…back to the darkness.

I know God loves me. I know God sees my struggle. I know I’m not alone. I knew this was going to be hard, and this is what I want. He’s talking to me now…not an audible voice, but in songs, in verses. There’s a purpose. There’s a plan…it’s all for His glory. Help me hold on….

Up to the Mountain

I can really relate to this song…

    I went up to the mountain, cause you asked me to.
    Up over the clouds, to where the sky was blue.
    I could see all around me. Everywhere.
    I could see all around me. Umm, everywhere.

    Sometimes I feel like, I’ve never been nothing but tired.
    And I’ll be walking, oh, till the day I expire.
    Sometimes I lay down. Nothing more can I do.
    Then I go on again, cause You asked me to….

    Some days I look down. I’m so afraid I will fall.
    And although the sun shines, I see nothing at all.
    Then I hear Your sweet voice, come and then go.
    Telling me softly, You love me so….

    The peaceful valley, just over the mountain.
    The peaceful valley, oh, that the few come to know.
    I may never get there, ever in this lifetime.
    Sooner or later, oh, there I will go, oh, oh, oh!
    Sooner or later, there I will go…….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hqNd1ElUQA&feature=related

Here’s her live performance on American Idol. WOW! You can just feel the song through her…awesome. Totally awesome.