Tag Archives: move

Way Too Long

Well hello there! Remember me? Sorry for it being so long since I last posted. I’ll try to do better in 2013.

So, we got moved to Georgia in mid September of 2012 and the day after – yes, the day after we unloaded the last truck, we got the dreaded call – the contract had fell through. Yep. We loaded one more truck and headed home to Indiana. That was a scary and defeated feeling. I hated those days. Saying goodbye to something that I had no sooner said hello. The thoughts that rushed through me were common; ‘Why?’ Why did we literally pack everything we own and spend $1000’s of dollars just to move right back? My Mom taught me the most valueable lesson of my life in her last days. “There’s always a reason, we just aren’t meant to know why sometimes.”

By the end of October we were back in Indiana. His folks visited us a couple time for the holidays and I was very happy to host my family twice when my sons came to visit. My middle son came first the beginning of December with his wife and my first grandson, Riott. We had 21 family members over for Sunday dinner. It was amazing! Always wanted a place big enough to host my ever-growing family. If you think 21 is large – that was not even half of my immediate family. My nephew and niece-in-law announced their big news: due in July!! Yes, yet another grandchild to add to the family tree. What a joyous moment!

Hosting the family wasn’t near as much stress as I thought it would be and I was glad to do it again in January when my oldest son visited with his new wife. She’s due May 22 – yes, going to be grandma x2! YAY!! Another branch extends forth!! Found out it will be another boy, Noah. Can’t wait to meet him. Sucks that we live so far away. Doesn’t matter if I live in Indiana or Georgia or ‘Timbucktoo’; both my sons live in Missouri. That’s probably the part I don’t like about my life most right now; I can’t just stop over and see my kids/grandkids. Can’t just babysit and spoil my offspring’s offspring…but thank God for modern technology. I can text, call, Skype and keep up on their to-do-n’s on Facebook. I can see progressive baby belly pics and hear all about her craving and emotional boundings. I can still offer my motherly advise and be involved. It’s the little things 🙂

I found a new job – one I love so much. I work from home now. It’s great!! I actually turned down 2 other offers in town. That was scary. I’ve never worked on a contract like this before and after what happened to Dave’s contract last year, I feared the worse. Besides, I cannot recall ever turning down a job offer, but something told me to take this one. I knew it meant I had to disciplined. I knew the risks. It took almost a month before I actually started. I worried if it was real. But my worries were soon layed to rest. When I started working, it was just as I remembered. It was like dusting off a bike and hopping back on – I was a little wobbly the first couple days but before I knew it, I was doing flips and coasting with my hands up in the air! The people I work with are fun, dedicated, understanding and just down right great people. They have faith and that really sold me on them. They weren’t afraid to say it in both my interviews. Know how when you talk to someone, you just click? Well, that’s the way it was with this team. I’m glad I listened to my gut.

And it’s a good thing I took that remote job – we are back in Georgia!! Yep. Last truck is unloaded and no call yet. (And there better not be, God willing! Lol!) I have faith that this time is it. We are here for good. Today marks his first day at his new job. Kinda scary, but in a good way. Dave and I are as strong as ever. He even left me a little note in my office this morning. Love those little moments…don’t think he realizes how much…

So, what’s the moral of this blog? Don’t give up. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the best things happen out of the worst circumstances. It is our struggles – our victories and our defeats – that makes us who we are. We can chose to begrudge life and anticipate the next hurdle or we can face each day for what it is, knowing that we have the opportunity to rise above, grow and be grateful. I got to host my family not once, but twice. I got to have my sons over and create some new memories together. I got to spend some quality time with my daugther who is growing into the woman I knew she could be. I got to overcome one of life worst disappointments with the one I love. I am thankful for technology that allows me to stay connected no matter where I am. I am thankful for my faith that continues to see me through – and I am reminded that through God’s strength, we can do anything.

Until next time!

 

“The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.”  ~ Psalm 69:32

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  ~ Romans 12:2

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7

What Doesn’t Help You Grow, Holds You Back

So. It’s been a rough week. Heart broke, sad, mad, angry, hurt. Last night everyone seemed to be commenting on Facebook and it really got me going. Started posting confidence quotes and feeling them. I wondered how today was going to be. Asked God to give  me something to write about. Writing always makes me feel better…

I get up late – which felt great. The night before I was going through things I want to do: mow, weedeat, till my garden. Well, I  did one of those. Mower is broke and my kitten is buried in my garden. Wasn’t quite ready to deal with that. I got out to string my gas weedeater and ended up cleaning out the garage. Damn it looks good, but it sure took some work…and left a few scars.

Moving boxes from my laundry room to outside – I bashed my thigh on the corner of the dresser. OOUCH! Yes. It hurt. And left a pretty hefty purplish red bruise. I still feel it.

Moving things and sweeping, and sweeping and sweeping my garage – I got 9 blisters on my hands. (Not exaggerating. I counted them.)

Weeding my front yard with my electric weedeater (Yes. Electric. Couldn’t get  the dang thingy off the gas one to add string) – I tripped several times, got severe shakes and excessively dehydrated from the numerous times I had to restring the dang thing.

Taking a well deserved shower – I managed to rub my right  contact way up under my eyelid. Took awhile to get it down and actually painful but I got it. I just look hung over now.

So what’s my point? I have more bruises, blisters and scars from today, but my job was accomplished. Not just accomplished but I did a good job and it looks awesome (I’d sleep out there if it wasn’t for the crickets). Through all the mishaps, I didn’t stop. I didn’t give up. I didn’t throw in the towel. I didn’t cry and complain about how bad things were going. I didn’t throw anything or go into a cursing frenzy. I just kept going, band-aid after band-aid. That’s how we should treat everything. Even relationships. Anything we do, we should just give it our best. Be the best person we know we can be. Maybe I wasn’t perfect – who is – but I was the best me I know to be: I was loyal, committed and honest; I never lied, I never hid anything, and I definitely never did anything to hurt him on purpose. Instead of looking at what he did wrong, I look at what I did right. I won’t look at the scars and think of the pain, the aggervation or the loss; I’ll look at them and remember what I accomplished: I remained true to my word and true to my heart and I see areas I still need to work on. I have some good memories and those are the ones I will keep. The most beautiful thing a woman can ever wear, is confidence. Know who you are and wear it well. If you don’t like something, do what you must to change that but I’ll tell you know, true change must come from within. Not from someone else wanting it or someone else doing it. It’s all us, baby.

What doesn’t help you grow, holds you back. Cry if you need to cry. Be mad if you feel mad. Get the hurt out, then get over it and keep moving. You don’t have to forget, but you’ve got to let it go. Let the scars remind you of where you’ve and why you never want to repeat them. Scars are not a bad thing. Learn from it and leave the anger and tears behind. You’re worth it.

Much love 🙂

A Tugging in my Soul

Life is…well, it just is as it should be right now, I guess. I’ve been asking God to use me as He sees fit, and…He is. So why would I complain? How could I complain? I mean, it’s God, right?? I absolutely love helping others and it inspires me to see them come alive, to see Jesus for all He is, to read the comments, messages and personal notes/texts. I make it a point to always credit it back to God because I do think He is working through me sometimes. I want to share all that He has done for me and all that He is doing for me with those going through hard times. That is the one thing all Christian’s were meant to do – spread the word based on their own testimony. God’s word tells us that we are to reach out to others. (Romans 12:13, Galatians 6:1) As my faithful readers know, I feel this has been my calling ever since I started this blog. I’m bearing my soul so others can grow, too. We are not alone.

 In speaking about Christ, it is important not to misrepresent or use the opportunity to our benefit. It’s about God…period. When we witness to others it’s all about what God has done in our lives. Before ties are created it is imperative to remove yourself. Sometimes God uses us just for a reason or a season…we were never meant to stay. However, when we see our motives shifting, our minds wandering, it is time to act – and act fast. Sadly for me, this means it’s time to walk away. It started innocent enough, the devil enjoyed whispering in my ear how I deserve someone like ‘that’. He tried to convince me that it was innocent to feel the way I did. He got me excited, he inticed me about his qualities and planted the seed of good motives in my mind. When I made up my mind to resist, he changed his tune: ‘a guy like that could never be attracted to ‘someone like you’. You’re not worth it. You’re too flawed.’ But honestly, I just don’t care any more. I am definitely flawed – we all are. I know what I have to offer and more so, I know God is still working on me, in me. We all need time to deal with the pain and unfortunately, it seems that fact is often overlooked. People just move onto the next thing and they never give themselves time to heal. I’ve had this image today of a broken heart and it’s jagged edges. Would you give that heart to someone? No. Because it needs time to heal. God can smooth out those edges. And God will bring people into our lives to guide us, to encourage us – yet we must be on guard because the devil will try to sabotage it. He will try to turn around the good and bring his own tools of self destruction into our lives.  But God can turn all bad things into good to serve His purpose. Follow His will and you’ll see.

It’s a fine line and hard to define. Sometimes I have no clue what I’m doing. The path gets hazy, the mind becomes a playground. There is no blueprint to this walk. There’s no big arrow pointing “<– THIS WAY –>”. Faith is believing in that which is unseen. It’s not easy, but it does get easier. I see I’m bouncing back quicker now. I’m seeing God revealing things to me about myself. So, when there comes a time when we must walk alone, it’s only to heal so we can move forward more effectively in life and truly heal from the pain we’ve put ourselves through and avoid repeating that pain in the future.

He is preparing my heart for real love. For now, this journey is between me and God. After passing the tests, there are rewards. And I want my rewards more than I want instant gratification…I’m in this for the long haul because, like Job, I never plan on returning. My heart is being sculpted into something that a true man will never want to return, by a Man who truly knows the definition of love in all senses of the word. Besides, if God isn’t in it, I don’t want it. He’ll just have to let me know when I’m ready.

If God wants something or someone in your life, you will know it. Right now, for me, nothing is clear…except that I need God more than I need anyone else.

“When Gods people are in need, be ready to help them.” Romans 12:13

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.” Galations 6:1

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Love

 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

How My Garden Grows

I laid in bed this morning with a blog forming in my mind. I had no idea that God had other plans for me. Ready to capture the day, I planted my feet on the floor, made me a delicious soy latte and headed outside to tend to my garden. I find a sense of comfort in the early morning hours, and I always find enjoyment as I witness the beauty forming in my garden. The realization of what a tiny seed can turn into when it is nurtured and loved…amazes me. While I hadn’t ignored it completely, my garden did plummet on my priority list, along with other things, during the time I was dealing with the reality of my special friend. Joyfully, from the moment God armed me with the truth, I have been equipped and ready to get my life and my priorities back in order. I’m thankful it didn’t take long and I accept the consequences of my actions. I refuse to look at anything in a negative light. That would get me nowhere. I would rather see the good. It was what I had to do, it was what I had to experience in order to grow; I don’t see it as a tragedy. I learned a valuable lesson in the midst of it and I am no longer in the grips of the despairing darkness. I can forgive and move forward, knowing who I want to be…who God wants me to be. Praise God! As watered and plucked vegetables today I discovered a special appreciation for God and all He does, for all He is. I saw myself, I saw us, God’s children, in that garden today.

Living in the heart of the city, I have a very small backyard and a big country heart. For years my garden consisted primarily of container plants inside an abandoned kennel with a few planted around its’ perimeter. Not content with this small venture, I created a raised garden bed over the course of two years on top of what use to be an unused gravel driveway behind my enclosed carport. Working with the used potting soil after each growing season and leaves from the Fall, the soil became alive with large worms and nutrients. I loved the feeling of soil in my hands as I worked with it, step by step, season to season. This is the first year I actually planted a full garden in it. Edged with concrete blocks and full of young plants, I enjoyed sitting out back looking in awe at what my hands had created – it must be how God feels about each of us.

Unfortunately, there is a mature tree stretching from my neighbor’s yard that towers over my garden. I didn’t see a problem with it at first, but now, I do. The squash and tomatoes planted towards the front, receiving the most sun, flourish. I have so many that I don’t know what to do with them and I often give them away to friends. However, the tomatoes planted towards the back of the garden have yet to produce any fruit. They are green and some appear healthy, yet with the lack of sun, they are unable to produce as they should – like us. When we are not in God’s light, our ability to produce as we should is hindered. My heart goes out to these plants. I continue to water them and tend to them – like God does us when we aren’t planted where we should be. I’m not sure they will produce as they should but I will not give up on them.

On the other hand, there is one tomato plant that sits in full sun. It looked so promising as it matured: several strong branches eagerly formed, so many that I had to devise a way to support the weight of them as they expanded well beyond the capacity of its’ container. I have always had great luck with planting tomatoes in containers so I was surprised when it took so long to actually bear fruit: today was the first time I picked any tomatoes from it. I decided to pluck a couple which weren’t fully red; I placed them on the window sill so that they could reap the full benefits of the sun, less the unbearable heat and humidity. Kind of what God does for us. He sees us trying so hard, He sees our determination and faith in following Him. He gently places us where we can better flourish. He gives us the opportunity to remove the elements crippling our growth no matter where we are. It’s up to us to see that…it’s up to us to move, to listen, to hope, to have faith in His words, to believe in His ability to help us grow. (Proverbs 3:5, Isaiah 48:17, Psalm 32:8, Psalm 48:18, Isaiah 58:11.)

Remember the sweet potato blog? The day I returned home from confronting him with his girlfriend, I immediately planted them. That felt so good. Today, four days later, sprouts are emerging from the ground. Beautiful, dark reddish green shoots springing up from the soil. I smiled. That’s me! I’m where I should be: emerged in God’s love, forgiveness, peace, mercy, hope. There is fruit forming underground. Even if I can’t see it, I know it’s there. God is tending to my needs; He heard my call, He’s seen my commitment. He is healing me from the inside out. I want to share this growth with the world. Praise God!

As I picked my bounty this morning, I often caught myself smiling. They did it! And so did I. That must be just a fraction of how God feels when we succeed; when we follow His will, when we rise above our circumstances and flourish. It’s not easy, and it’s not over. I’ve only just begun.

“The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” ~ Isaiah 58:11

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” ~ Proverbs 3:5

This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” ~ Isaiah 48:17

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” ~ Psalm 32:8

“For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.” ~ Psalm 48:18