This Isn’t My First Rodeo

Maybe not the best time for me to write…feeling down. Like I’m coasting through life. What the hell is the point? Read another chapter in Max Lucado’s “Facing Your Giants” tonight, about strongholds. Not a super fan of his interpretation as I’ve read this before somewhere else and I liked it much better, but it reminded me of something. 

Stronghold: those things in life that have a hold on us so strong that it strangles the life out of us. Be it addiction, self image, self confidence, control, trust, worry, jealousy, anger – we all have some kind of stronghold that stops us dead in our tracks. It prevents us from making true progress, from enjoying simple things in our lives. We’ve all had it happen. We get so down with our situation and it seems that just as the clouds part and we start to see the sun again -*BAM*- our stronghold grabs us…taunts us…and reminds us. Words echo in our heads as if to tell us we aren’t good enough. That the strongholds are far too strong and we are far too weak. It’s not long before we are right back where we remember being. The devil loves for us to feel there is no way out. I hate that f’n devil…

So, call it a stronghold, a crossroad, an obstacle…whatever face you want to paint on it, the darkness looms. Reminding us of all our past hurts while illuminating the present ones. Yet what did this chapter remind me of? It’s an internal battle; not one that can be fought with guns, fists and bouts of ‘poor me’, but with the Word, faith, friends and determination. I’ve pretty much excluded myself from my friends…and I really don’t want to go anywhere this holiday. But I will. And I’m gonna read even if I don’t want to. And I’m gonna have faith even if I can’t see it like I want to. I’m not gonna fake it until I make it. I’m gonna tell the devil I know he is here, and to get behind me. I may fall, I may cry, but God will be there to catch me and wipe my tears. This isn’t my first rodeo.

(By the way, I didn’t write this today. Feeling much, much better now but thought it wise to share with you when I’m down, too. I tend to think I have to always remain positive for everyone else and that’s just not humanly possible sometimes. I struggle just like everyone else.

FYI: I did go see my family Monday and I enjoyed it. And I spent some quality time with my boyfriend who made me feel so special by letting me sleep in and doing a bunch of ‘honey-dos’ around the house. I am blessed in many ways. The devil loves to deflat our motivation and crush our dreams. Don’t let him.)

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” ~ Hebrews 11:1

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

“In that day you will say: “Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.” ~ Isaiah 12:4

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