Okay…I know I’ve been slacking, yet I’ve resolved to start blogging more. Bear with me though. I’m starting a new semester today. First class is Finance, yippee! Earning my 4th and final degree: Master’s in Public Service Administration. I’ll graduate in 2012 just as my youngest starts college. (WOW) Plus, I’m on 3 pool leagues. I joined a pool league for the first time a few months ago and we won 1st place. Off to city in May – EXCITING!
Guess I should tell you my news. I met someone. Actually I met him back in November. Didn’t plan on it, wasn’t looking for it. I was waiting for the pool tournament to start and figured I’d play ping pong to kill some time. I asked this guy to play, he accepted. We hit it off great. He later confessed that he had pre-determined that I was a horrible ping pong player and accepted just to amuse me. Ha-ha! No numbers were exchanged but we agreed that we’d probably see each other the next night, same place. That night, right away someone says we were a great looking couple. We both quickly touted that we weren’t dating and soon agreed that we just wanted to get to know each other – no commitments, no relationship. He hadn’t been in a relationship in 2 years, never married, no kids. (WOW! Those exist??) Tired of the games, tired of the pain…tired of the lies and the fakes. (Yes. I can relate.)
We hung out for almost a month. Then, we decided to start dating exclusively. I know, I know. I vowed to be single for a year…I made it 6 months. For me, that’s an accomplishment I don’t take lightly. I had many opportunities yet I was cautious and did not react on every impulse. I didn’t jump the gun and I feel good about my decisions. I’m not going to say that ‘this feels right’ or that he’s ‘God sent’…it just is what it is right now. In that sense it does feel right. We enjoy each other’s company; we have the same sense of humor, attitude and values, and we’re just going to see where it takes us. I’m okay with that.
A phrase has been echoing in my head ever since we started dating “no hurries, no worries“. I think that’s an important motto to have. Even when we don’t rush into things it can feel like we’ve been slammed into a concrete wall in the blink of an eye…I know. But, my heart is valuable. I am valuable. I vow to keep my head intact, to make wise decisions and to continue being cautious while not sacrificing who I am. God wants me to keep moving forward and not to give up on who I am and who He aspires for me to be.
After experiencing the most traumatic pain we ever thought we could overcome, the saddest thing would be to witness our ambition and drive slip away…it may be ever so slight and slow at first. But we are susceptible to drawing inward and never taking risks as a way of avoiding ever having to relive that pain again. But, to never risk is to never gain. To never try is to never succeed. Unfortunately, God doesn’t put tags on His gifts and He never promised we would not hurt or ever feel pain while on this Earth. So, I resolve to not let the pain hold me back. I hold on to it in order to remind me of how invaluable my heart truly is and of how the love of God has endured and strengthened me.
Is it risky? Yes.
Is it scary? Ohh Yes.
Do I have faith? The kind that moves mountains…and for me, that’s not even a risk.
“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” ~ Galatians 6:4
“Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” ~ Psalm 86:11
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” ~ Hebrews 11:1