A Tugging in my Soul

Life is…well, it just is as it should be right now, I guess. I’ve been asking God to use me as He sees fit, and…He is. So why would I complain? How could I complain? I mean, it’s God, right?? I absolutely love helping others and it inspires me to see them come alive, to see Jesus for all He is, to read the comments, messages and personal notes/texts. I make it a point to always credit it back to God because I do think He is working through me sometimes. I want to share all that He has done for me and all that He is doing for me with those going through hard times. That is the one thing all Christian’s were meant to do – spread the word based on their own testimony. God’s word tells us that we are to reach out to others. (Romans 12:13, Galatians 6:1) As my faithful readers know, I feel this has been my calling ever since I started this blog. I’m bearing my soul so others can grow, too. We are not alone.

 In speaking about Christ, it is important not to misrepresent or use the opportunity to our benefit. It’s about God…period. When we witness to others it’s all about what God has done in our lives. Before ties are created it is imperative to remove yourself. Sometimes God uses us just for a reason or a season…we were never meant to stay. However, when we see our motives shifting, our minds wandering, it is time to act – and act fast. Sadly for me, this means it’s time to walk away. It started innocent enough, the devil enjoyed whispering in my ear how I deserve someone like ‘that’. He tried to convince me that it was innocent to feel the way I did. He got me excited, he inticed me about his qualities and planted the seed of good motives in my mind. When I made up my mind to resist, he changed his tune: ‘a guy like that could never be attracted to ‘someone like you’. You’re not worth it. You’re too flawed.’ But honestly, I just don’t care any more. I am definitely flawed – we all are. I know what I have to offer and more so, I know God is still working on me, in me. We all need time to deal with the pain and unfortunately, it seems that fact is often overlooked. People just move onto the next thing and they never give themselves time to heal. I’ve had this image today of a broken heart and it’s jagged edges. Would you give that heart to someone? No. Because it needs time to heal. God can smooth out those edges. And God will bring people into our lives to guide us, to encourage us – yet we must be on guard because the devil will try to sabotage it. He will try to turn around the good and bring his own tools of self destruction into our lives.  But God can turn all bad things into good to serve His purpose. Follow His will and you’ll see.

It’s a fine line and hard to define. Sometimes I have no clue what I’m doing. The path gets hazy, the mind becomes a playground. There is no blueprint to this walk. There’s no big arrow pointing “<– THIS WAY –>”. Faith is believing in that which is unseen. It’s not easy, but it does get easier. I see I’m bouncing back quicker now. I’m seeing God revealing things to me about myself. So, when there comes a time when we must walk alone, it’s only to heal so we can move forward more effectively in life and truly heal from the pain we’ve put ourselves through and avoid repeating that pain in the future.

He is preparing my heart for real love. For now, this journey is between me and God. After passing the tests, there are rewards. And I want my rewards more than I want instant gratification…I’m in this for the long haul because, like Job, I never plan on returning. My heart is being sculpted into something that a true man will never want to return, by a Man who truly knows the definition of love in all senses of the word. Besides, if God isn’t in it, I don’t want it. He’ll just have to let me know when I’m ready.

If God wants something or someone in your life, you will know it. Right now, for me, nothing is clear…except that I need God more than I need anyone else.

“When Gods people are in need, be ready to help them.” Romans 12:13

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.” Galations 6:1

1 Corinthians 13:1-13


 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

2 responses to “A Tugging in my Soul

  1. Stay focused girl!! The Lord will continue to lead you on the road to healing!

  2. Your words are so very true….. stay focused on HIM and only HIM and HE will bring you the right person….once your heart is with HIM then you’ll know…. magic…..
    Keep writing and healing,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s