Know By What You Show

I want to write…and I have a lot I want to write about, but I find reasons to not write. Not that subject, not that topic. Don’t tick anyone off. Don’t be so opinionated. It’s driving me nuts so I decided to just start writing and see where it goes.

A big thing that’s been on my mind is the integrity of marriage: the duties of the man as the husband and the woman as the wife. The biblical order of the home is: God, husband, wife, children. Period. God is first and foremost. The man serves as the head of the household leading them both physically and spiritually. The woman supports the home and her husband. The children obey their parents. Together they make a unit. This may sound outdated but I think it needs to be revived. This society needs to be reminded of the importance of family and the role each member holds. My parents were the epitome of this order and they were married almost 50 years before my mom passed away. 50 years. That’s a long time… I still, and will always believe in a love like theirs. I admire them. Someday I hope to have a relationship like that. One that doesn’t have an expiration date. One that doesn’t give up or get tossed away. A love that never fails. Never leaves. Never loses hope. A marriage that is based on God, faith, commitment, honesty and love. Was it all sunshine and rainbows? Heck no (a big heck no), but they endured. They persevered. They fulfilled their vows. Divorce was never an option.

I didn’t witness a lot of affection between my parents, but I did witness their commitment. In 2001 my mom had a severe stroke paralyzing her entire left side. They tried to rehabilitate her with shock treatments and therapy, but to no avail. Hearing the doctor’s suggest to my Dad to put her in a nursing home sunk my heart, yet my Dad’s resounding ‘No’ made my heart leap. He said she didn’t want to be in one and he would never put her there. I admired him…honoring my mother like that. For two solid years my Dad took care of my Mom’s every need. Now my mom was a short but rather large woman: she wasn’t easy getting in and out of the bed/wheel chair and sometimes she couldn’t do simple things on her own like use the restroom or bathe. But my Dad was right there. It was his job to take care of her and he took that job seriously. Witnessing his commitment to her – that was true love. That was marriage vows in action. Again, not all rainbows and butterflies but he was right there at her side. Sickness and health. Better or worse. Like it’s supposed to be.

What does commitment mean nowadays anyway?? Where did it go?? I’ve heard of people getting a divorce after 20+ years – how can you just throw that away!? What happened? I know the pain I feel after being married under two years…I can’t fathom the pain after 5, 10, 20 years. Step siblings shouldn’t be a norm. Blended families shouldn’t be a norm. Divorce should not be the norm. Personally, love is not something you fall in and out of. Aside from situations of true abuse, divorce should never be an option. It shouldn’t be the first line of defense, the quick ‘fix all’. Love is an action, not just an emotion. Vows are promises. Some of us can’t even commit to a two year cell phone contract or we switch cable providers based on whoever has the best deal going on. We lease cars, computers, refrigerators, furniture. We constantly upgrade. What happened to investing in something? What happen to quality? Quality of products, quality of life, quality of marriage? What we had last year is outdated, out of fashion. Things don’t last like they use to – not even marriage. Did we stop insisting on quality? Did we stop investing in our word? Did commitments become temporary?

We are a spoiled, ignorant, selfish generation. We make light of virtues that are sacred. We wonder why we hurt, why we have a trillion dollar industry that manufacturers pills for depression, for anxiety. We blame everyone and everything else – and we never stop to look in the mirror and take a good hard look at ourselves. We form a God that we accept. I’m seeing myself for who I am. Who I was…and I don’t like me. But I like who God is revealing that He wants me to be: a person of my word, a person of honor, a person of faith and endurance. I will heal and I will persevere.

We all need to remember the value of our words – we need to honor our commitments. We need to stop taking what we say so lightly, thinking we always have the option to opt out. We don’t – or at least we shouldn’t. Men, get your families into church. Women, get your house in order. Work together and remember why you spoke those vows to each other however many years ago. Don’t throw away what you once held so dear. Watch the power of your commitment and dedication to each other emulate through to your children…they will learn more than you will ever know…by what you show each other.

“But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” ~ 1 Timothy 5:8

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is he head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” ~ 1 Corinthians 11:3

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” ~ Ephesians 5:25

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” ~ Colossians 3:19

“Live with her in an understanding way, since she is a woman.” ~ 1 Peter 3:7

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11 responses to “Know By What You Show

  1. Continue to speak boldly!! We need more of it. Your post was awesome and full of truth! You are a blessing. Continue on! Jeremiah 1:6-8

  2. Great post…and as a married woman I know it is possible. I know we don’t have to submit to what the world considers a great marriage to be. A great marriage is one in which each is committed to fulfilling the role God has ordained for them. I love that your parents were married for 50 years. That is a rare occurrence in this day and age. But, it is still the standard. “Until death do you part” are words to live by. Unfortunately, I see the enemy working very hard in marriages. He is out to destroy the thing that matters to God. He is out to defeat those in a loving relationship.

    Continue striving after God and He will give you the desires of your heart!!
    Lori

  3. Great words Angie and everything you state is so true these days….no commitment, affairs are rampid and it’s because the grass always looks greener on the other side. Most of the time, they get to the other side and Ooops, not so green!

    A commitment to marriage is a bond to me and either you take that bond or you don’t. Lately I have been saying, maybe marriage is intended for only 1 time and not so many times over and over again.

    It’s time we clean up our houses (internal houses) and either have a relationship with commitment in mind or be TRUE to yourself and advise the other of your plans.

    Thank you for voicing a very important topic:

    Nancy
    http://www.makegirlfriends.com

  4. Thanks to each of you! You don’t know how special each of you are to me!! Be blessed!!

    • Hey Angie,

      I agree with the commitment piece, but I don’t know that there needs to be a hierarchy for a family to function properly, just two individuals who are committed to each other and working past all the hard times. I think we get too wrapped up in the idea that something out there is going to make us happy. We even start applying it to people. We start thinking that there must be a perfect someone out there who will make us happy. But its just not true. So everyone gets into these relationship, because they are exciting and addictive, and when the newness and the oxytocin high wears off they find themselves feeling like their old selves. And because they’ve got it in their head that happiness is out there somewhere they think ” oh I must have picked the wrong person…” And they start looking for someone new. But we have to be happy within ourselves, and not look to others to be a cure-all for this feeling of being alive. The other is only there to bear witness to one’s life, to share in one’s life, not fix it, or fulfill it, or complete it in someway. I just don’t think people know how to turn inwardly to find themselves. Mass culture doesn’t value it or teach it. I don’t know where the youth of America are supposed to learn.

      • I respect your view and I actually agree. I did not mean to imply that we select a mate based on their ability to lift us up. I think that is the problem nowadays – people select a mate for ‘right now’ not for where they are going. They get addicted to the honeymoon phase of a relationship and forget that it means much more than that. I don’t expect everyone to believe as I do, but the bible is very specific that the man is to lead the home. That was my point. Again, I don’t expect everyone to agree with that – it’s what the bible teaches and I agree. Men, women, children, we all have our natural place. Too often men use their position and abuse it. No woman deserves that but I think some men have forgotten their important role in a relationship. I am an extremely independent woman, but in a relationship you are no longer just ‘self’. Also, I think there can be a battle for control in a relationship when it would just be a lot easier if they lived following the basic principles that God has set forth. Love, kindness, patience. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

  5. Great blog Ange! I hold that committment above all else in my life – even above the love I have for my wife. I told her that we committed ourselves to God, our families, and mostly to one another, and there is no breaking that committment for me. Love comes and goes, as it does in any relationship. But that is a separate piece than your committment.

    The other part about marriage that I have been struggling with lately is the church/state thing. I guess many of us speak about marriage from a Christian perspective, but we live it in a secular one. I mean, if we really felt like God had joined a man and a woman together, then why should anything break that bond? Yet we face a 50% divorce rate in this country. That means that one in two couples won’t make it. Wow! For something God has decreed, we sure don’t seem to take it that way. So has marriage become a secular thing? I think it has for many of us. I mean, the Bible shows us how David and Solomon had many wives. Yet our laws permit only one. Do we follow the Bible or the law of the land? So we have come to treat marriage as this lawful thing. Right? Does that mean we have forgotten the Bible? (I’m out of time!) Later gater!

    • I’m confused by what you said about “following the Bible or the law of the land” – I’m no theologian, but the bible does not promote multiple marriages. In Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:31 & Mark 10:7 it states that a man will leave his mother and father to unite with his wife – singular – and they will become one. I’m sure there are references to multiple marriages in the bible, but I don’t think that is something God promotes…maybe that’s not where you were going with that statement, but that’s my two cents 🙂
      I definitely agree with you. It is sad that the divorce rate is so high – it’s alarming. And sadly, I am part of that statistic. All the more reason I’ve vowed to be single for a time so that God can heal me from the inside. I could rant about my feelings on this but I’ll just suggest you read my blogs about Soul Ties and Breaking the Ties that Bind. We have pulled so far away from God that we are blinded by our own wants and desires. We need to keep praying, keep believing – you and your wife are setting an example every day – thank you! And thanks for taking the time to reply, Jeff!

  6. Pingback: Know By What You Show | Wheelchairs For Sale Reviews

  7. Pingback: Know By What You Show | DivorceTacticsForMen.com

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