Q & A: So, why blog?
Well, over the past couple of years, God has really been moving in my life. I’ve been resistant, still trying to do things my way, and in the interim, have only experienced more pain and more hurt. It’s kinda like when I was kid…it took my Mother several shakes, pokes and threats to get me out of bed in the morning. Well, that’s pretty much what God’s been doing with me. He’s been shaking me for some time trying to get me to see that my way isn’t always in alignment with His. And I finally realized: I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of the pain and I’m just plain exhausted from trying to do things my way. I finally said, “Okay God! I get it!” I have been awakened, reset. I’m seeing that life is…more, with Him as my focus. Don’t get me wrong, I still get scared and down right terrified at times, I still cry my eyes out, but…I have been covered by a sense of peace that I cannot describe. I use to write poetry that always included the line “Surrounded by people but still alone.” Yet, I don’t feel alone anymore. Maybe I am physically, but not mentally, not spiritually. Thanks to Him, and a very dear friend, I am embracing His calling and I am fully committed to this walk with Him.
I have always longed for a close relationship with a man who loves me just as purely and unconditional as I love him. Someone who would accept me for who I am – faults and all – and love me like no other. Someone I could share this life in both the ups and the downs…but I now see…I am broken. It is no one’s ‘fault’. Not my parents, not my ex’s: it’s just how this world has shaped me. It’s where my choices have brought me. I have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do and I cannot do it alone. I need God, I need my friends, I need my spiritual counselors. Not until I am healthy will I ever be able to fully participate in a healthy, physical relationship. Therefore, I have decided to not date anyone except the Lord. There. I said it. He’s my only boyfriend! LOL! He holds me, He comforts me, and yes, He even sends me flowers, too! (Just…they bloom directly from the ground and I have to pick them myself!) God says to ask and we shall receive, but what we forget is that we must be patient. It must be on His time, not our own. We have to let His will be done. Patience has never been a strong point of mine – if my mom were alive you could ask her – but I’m learning, and that’s exactly what this walk is all about. Getting closer to God and becoming the person He wants me to be. Everything else…will just fall into place in its’ own time.
As I stated in my Welcome blog, you can expect my sincere honesty, my ignorance and my opinions through this journey. I may not divulge every detail but I will share this experience with whoever will listen (or read). I do not know everything, nor am I perfect. I never will be. I do not like to be judged and likewise, I do not want or mean to judge anyone else. I sincerely hope that in sharing some of my walk with you, you may consider walking with Him too…someday.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” ~ Hebrews 12:1
“The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.” ~ Psalm 145:18-19