Aside

Don’t Forget to Remember: A Beautiful Connection

I’ve had an urge to blog lately. Fortunately the urge has struck again and I’m at my computer with a little spare time. So, here goes! Hang on…gotta turn Kenny Rogers off…

I think some thoughts are going to come together in this blog…insights will be revealed. We’ll see if I’m right by the end of this. Sometimes the best therapy is to listen: even if it’s just listening to the internal stuff that feels like noise or clatter. Sad that the hardest thing to do is take a little time for ourselves to reflect. I know a higher power works in me because I feel it. Can’t really explain it…but it’s like I know I’m supposed to pay attention; acclimate myself to my inner thoughts and the things that are happening around me. Albeit hard, I know I must allow myself to meditate on it. Since I was young, writing has always been my means of meditation; allowing things to come together. Now, blogging is the way I do that. Funny. Meditation is usually done alone, but I’ve always been able to glean insight by writing. Maybe by sharing it, someone else can gleen insight from mine. Regardless, I’m thankful for those who take the time to read, like and comment; thanks for being a part of this journey into my inner thoughts.

The past couple days have been rough. Early in the week a thorn re-entered the scene and brought back some not-so-pleasant memories. Best analogy I can give is: after you place your hand on a hot stove, you know better than to do it again. Just seeing the coils turn red is enough to bring back those emotions…that pain. Well, my thorn does that to me. It’s a challenge to not be fearful; I become very cautious. While I’ve come to terms with it, life has taught me there are other things that burn as well. I can’t be cautious of everything – nor do I want to – but the bottom line is: memories cannot simply be erased. They remain forever; how I handle it – how we handle them – that can be adjusted, if we take the time. It’s easy to focus on the bad, but we have to give ourselves the tools to let that go. The stove is going to come on, but we don’t need to fear it every time. Find the lesson, learn from it – grow from it – remember it and move on. Sometimes, unfortunately, we forget to remember.

The best way to deal with our feelings is to talk about them. It may be uncomfortable and we may realize some things about ourselves that we don’t wish to admit, but that’s part of growth – without it there is no self improvement. We will remain cautious, fearful. When we talk, our goal should not just be about expressing our feelings, it should also be about understanding them as well. We must be receptive. We have to listen to ourselves as well as the other person. When two people have different views, it takes some time to truly understand another’s view point. They say love is all it takes but I call ‘bull crap’. It takes so much more: honesty, respect, trust, listening, speaking, etc. etc. Unconditional love requires work. Relationships require investment and listening is a big one. Remain mature – taking turns at both talking and listening.

That’s what I love about my other half. We can have a true conversation and we are usually on the same page. But it’s easy when you’re on the same page. We don’t always agree but we do respect each others views, but I think this one time, we failed. We didn’t get on the same page. It was a topic neither of us liked. Out of fear, maybe I didn’t express myself the way I should have, maybe I didn’t stand behind my convictions. He deserves to know how I truly feel, and I need to hear myself say it as well. Maybe he didn’t know how to express himself either. Maybe he knew it was painful and didn’t want me to hurt. So, instead of finding a solution together, we attempted to ‘fix it ourselves’ and avoid an unpleasant topic, but only made it worse. That is just something we accept now and work together to avoid. We must be truthful about our feelings and viewpoints otherwise we won’t really know where each other stands. And even if we stand in different corners, we are still standing together. And together, we can find a middle ground; a mutual understanding.

The week got worse at work. I’m not going to bother trying to explain exactly what happened but I’ll attempt to summarize – I’m a programmer/analyst. I deal with logic. 1+1 = 2; 2+2 =4 every time, all the time. But it wasn’t that way. Things were happening that didn’t make sense. Fortunately for my sanity, others duplicated my issues and understood my quandry. I was officially not going crazy and did not need to fear the need of a straight jacket. A couple issues is fine, but one after the other, day after day…ugh. That can really tax a person. It is day 3 now and some resolutions have been made. It’s hard to find a solution when you cannot identify the problem. Oh crap. Insight #1. Good play, higher power. Good play. I don’t need to fear the coil because we do know the problem now. We just have to work together to find a solution that satisfies both of us, and we are. We did what we were supposed to do. We are on the same page, standing together…in the same corner. I don’t need to worry. This too, shall pass.

But it doesn’t end there. On top of the thorne and work, my computer starts acting up. I Google something and the link takes me to an unrelated site. Yep. I knew it immediately had to be a virus. My other half sacrificed his ‘me’ time in order to help me clean my PC. (Thank you, babe!) After 5+ hours…it still didn’t work. Blue screen of death. He suggested I call Dell tech support in the morning. I will completely SPARE you from that lengthy bit of hell by saying, the world has lost sight of service. It’s about the dollar, not the product nor the people. I was treated rudely by a tech in India who obviously thought he could talk to me like trash. I’m reminded of the book I read about how women are treated in other countries, (“Half the Sky” by Sheryl WuDunn- great read) and yet again my emotions start to boil over. Not only am I fearing the loss of all my work because I stupidly did not have anything backed up, my heart mourns for women who have to worry about acid being thrown at them because they want out of a horrible relationship, or the women sold into brothels and shunned by their families after they escape. Perspective I guess… Looking back, I think that was my first reminder that I don’t have it bad at all. We’ve made a successful backup – we talked it through. While my thorn is a thorn, it did end well. The only scar I have is the idea of what I could’ve lost…but didn’t. Maybe that helped both of us appreciate each other more and why I should be thankful that we can communicate. I don’t need to fear my emotions. Okay higher power…#2 for you. Insight number #2 accomplished. It could be worse, but it’s not. I have a true man who truly loves me and I’m surrounded by a family who loves me for who I am.

Wow. I was right. Never ceases to amaze me when I have a feeling and it materializes. While I knew the issues with work and my computer would pass – I almost enjoyed the diversion from worry, but now, maybe they had more purpose then that. I enjoy the insight these trials gave me. There is a truly a time for everything. And even in our trials there is something to learn, if only we would take time to listen and meditate. I’m thankful for these insights and feel a sense of calm and peace again. So often I want to blog about something that I know has more meaning that what appears, but I let it go. I’m so glad I got to reflect today. I should end now, but I think I should point out what brought me to blog this today.

I’ve been listening to old songs on YouTube and posting links on my Facebook. I rarely do this – maybe one or two once in a blue moon but rarely like I did today. I did it because the songs were bringing back memories of my childhood. I wanted to cry, but not sad tears. Happy ones. A friend commented on the song “Lucille”. ‘Beautiful connection. It’s been showing its thread all day today. Hasn’t it {her friends name} :) Of course, I love when something I post has meaning for someone else – I feel like that is a confirmation – the reason I was compelled to do it. In short, I commented that I’d love to know the connection. She responded:

‘You do know the connection, you’re part of it, we all are :). When you’re compelled to do anything, odds are it will affect someone unknowingly waiting to be affected by it. Sometimes it’s profound, sometimes a smile. And often it compels them and so on and so on :). Some days it’s easy to spot, others it’s easily missed. Today I think it’s in the mood to show off a bit. Look for it today :)

Well, I looked for it. And I found it. Insight #3. Never forget that the person you could impact most, is yourself. Those ripples have a way of coming back around. Oh, and #4, while there are memories you can’t erase, there are also one’s you never want to. These are just things I forgot to remember :)

~Thank you Carolyn :)

 

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:2  a time to be born and a time to die,  a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.

3 responses to “Don’t Forget to Remember: A Beautiful Connection

  1. Carolyn Cummings

    Thank you so much. As I’ve said before you are an inspiration. It’s beautiful and I can’t wait to read more. Also, guess who will be going home to write tonight :)

  2. What can I say but beautifully said my friend Angie – yes you have a keeper in your other half….you are certainly BLESSED.

    Love and light your way,
    Nancy

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